Our Son-Rise Journey

Hope is a Belief!

16/01/15 at 10.17am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

Hope the Belief

“HOPE IS NOT A FEELING.
Hope is the optimistic belief in opportunity and possibility.
And since the future always holds opportunities and possibilities, there is always hope.
Thus, hope is being realistic…and hopelessness is choosing to be unrealistic.”

-Barry Neil Kaufman

The Merriam Webster definition of hope is this: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.  Straight forward, yes, but this definition does not even touch on the powerful force behind what the word hope inspires.  It is, at its core, an attitude, a belief, a driving force in effecting outcome.

Nothing in this world is written in stone.  Sure there are statistics and percentages out there to quantify our chances of this or that, but the human spirit cannot be quantified.  In reality, hopeFULness isn’t really about getting the desired end result, it’s about choosing to believe that nothing is predetermined.  Our attitude effects our choices which in turn effect the outcome of everything that we touch, and that can’t be quantified.    When this belief is held, hope and optimism take over.  Our energy shifts and things become possible!

It’s important to remember that the future is bigger than our imaginations. It’s unimaginable! To meet it, we need to keep going, to walk past what we can imagine. We need to be unstoppable!  Hope is the starting point.  It puts us into action in our world!

On the contrary, If we held the attitude that hope really is just something that those who are going through a rough time use to get through it, then possibility diminishes.  We respond accordingly to our feelings.  If there is no hope for possibility, then there are no actions taken to acquire it!

Without the hope and belief received through this program, the following video moment wouldn’t have become possible.  Instead of craving the affection and touch he does on a daily basis, Luke would still be holed up in his room, playing his iPad and asking us to leave.  I have so many videos to choose from, as this happens so frequently now, so I am going to pace them out over the next few weeks!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3dfzedPOcw

I also wanted to share this video of me and Lucas on my ball.  This video is remarkable to me because a year ago, Lucas needed all control in the playroom.  To allow me to control how high he is bounced and for him to join me in this activity on MY ball not only shows his trust but also his ability to let control go and his desire to interact with me.  This is happening regularly across the board with all of our volunteers and is truly amazing.

https://youtu.be/P6_WT4blwss

 

 

Possibility begins with imagination!

16/01/04 at 3.39pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

michael phelps

So much of what the Son-Rise program stands for is wrapped up in this statement, “possibility begins with imagination!”  If one can’t imagine something is possible, the steps would never be taken to make it so.  In life, we tend to put our “best self” out there for others to see and desperately seek their approval, hiding pieces of ourselves that we think others may deem unworthy.  In doing this we lose our authenticity.  When we put our value into the hands of others judgements and opinions, we can also begin to put less faith in our choices and what we think is possible in our lives.  It stifles imagination.

True success comes when we know we are being judged and realize that we don’t really care.  We are able to embrace who we are and trust ourselves which brings an increased openness and honesty that enhances our inner harmony.  When that happens we know we are living our lives to the fullest and are able to imagine what is possible for ourselves without allowing judgements to stifle us.  With imagination comes the possibility of reaching the previously thought unreachable!

Lucas has met so many goals in this program that prior to Son-Rise felt unreachable to me.  When I went to start-up last year to be trained, I remember them asking us at the end of the week to write down a list of goals that we wanted our children to reach in the program, a list of the “unreachables.”  I remember writing down that I wanted Lucas to say I love you.  Not just say it, but really truly mean it!!  They also asked us to write down a date that our children would reach those goals and then we broke into groups to brainstorm ideas of how to go about reaching them in the playroom.  I remember putting a really lofty timeline on this particular goal.  In the back of my head thinking, I just can’t picture this really happening.  My son wasn’t even allowing me to sit next to him at the time let alone allowing me to connect in a truly meaningful way.

When I broke into my group, all of these beautiful people that I had shared so much with in the past week, turned to me and said, “No way!, you will get that way sooner!”  They all rallied behind me and made me change it to within the next 6 months.   Lucas didn’t actually hit this goal until about a year into the program, but the belief that he could was so profound!  I began to believe anything was possible and so it became reachable and obtainable!

I have a few videos on some of us working on our current goals in the playroom.

This first one shows us working on clarity of language with Lucas.  For years….and I mean years, he posed everything he needed in a question format (the way we would ask him).  So for example if he wanted a banana, he would come up to us and say, “Do you want a banana?”

In this first video, Lucas wants the facilitator to run.  He says a myriad of sentences “I want to run, do you want me to run, etc.” None of which was what he really wanted.  He wanted her to run.   She responds by celebrating his language, responding to him literally then goes on to use explanations to help him with the appropriate language for what she thinks he is really asking (which is for her to run).   Notice how she talks to him as if he understands everything she is saying (a common misconception is that our children need to be spoken to like a baby or in broken short language).

I also need to say that Brad and I had worked on ‘I versus you’ in Luke’s language for probably close to 3 years using other modalities and have never succeeded in Lucas doing this naturally or not needing to be corrected.  I am ecstatic to say that we have met this goal within one month of approaching it in the “Son-Rise” way of doing things!  He is not only doing this in the playroom but regularly generalizing this skill out of the playroom as well.  1 month!!!  The second video shows him using, “I want Maria to run,” without the need of an explanation or correction!  I am waiting for this program to stop amazing me!  LOL.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeJZDsw378c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aF6B0WZqxE

Another goal we have just added to our playroom is the goal of inspiring Lucas to be involved in simple games with a simple structure.  A recent huge development has been that Lucas is really interested in watching us play or introduce things.  Prior to this, the play always needed to be built off of his current motivation and be mostly and purely the motivation.  If we began to try something abstract (imaginary play, etc), he would usually just go back to ismg (stimming).  However, now he is truly interested in observing us while we bring in some more abstract things into our play.  Observation is a big step toward participating!

In this video, our volunteer is really just selling the toys in the game and Lucas is observing him while he is doing it.  Our goal would be to keep introducing something like this to give Lucas time to digest and understand “the game” and then pull a motivation into the game to get Lucas interested in participating.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJQ18fA4Lf0

Ok…the last video is our facilitator bringing simple gestures into her interactions with Lucas (in this case high fives).  It is also a very sweet video of some very sweet affection from Lucas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXXaA0qAZ0k

 

 

They show us the way in, and then we show them the way out….Joining is that way!

15/09/25 at 10.47am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

Think of it like this: your child is a member of a tiny little club with only himself as a member.  The solution isn’t to try to destroy the club.  Rather, the solution is to do whatever it takes to get in!                         -Raun Kaufman

 

So it is no secret that my favorite thing in the playroom is to join.  As Lucas has become more interactive, there has been much less of this.  His exclusive activities have mostly become interactive.  It used to be that he did these things by himself to the exclusion of those around him, but he now looks at us during these moments as if we are riding a carnival ride together and enjoying the same thrill of the activity.  That is why I know joining has been such a pivotal part of this program in relating to my barely reachable son.

Why do I love to join?  There are so many reasons but I will give you my favorites.

  1. Joining shows such a form of respect to the child you are doing this with.  For example, when you are in a relationship with someone, or love someone, you naturally enjoy many aspects of this person but aren’t going to enjoy EVERY activity they do.  However, part of loving someone is understanding and respecting the things they enjoy.    By joining our children, we are showing them that we respect them as a person.
  2. We show them that we love them by doing the things they are doing.  My husband may not enjoy the sappy movie I want to watch, but he loves to see me enjoy it.  He shows me he loves me by watching it with me and finding some aspect of enjoyment in it for himself.  By showing enjoyment in our joining activities with our children, we are showing them through our actions that we love them.
  3. Acceptance!  One of my favorites.  So much of what our children enjoy to do, no one else around them is doing.  They are  isolated by many  by this fact alone.  When we join in and enjoy every aspect of what they are doing, we are telling them we accept them.
  4. When joining in these activities with my son, I come to a deeper level of understanding him.  Since he is unable to communicate the way a neurotypical person does, it gives me  insight into what he may enjoy.  When I join,  I begin to allow myself to feel the sensations he may be feeling (see what he is seeing, hear the different sounds or effects he is hearing, etc.).  When we are aware of someone’s motivations, we can better relate to them.
  5. This one is is really a selfish one…lol.  It is so therapeutic!!  When  you concentrate on every sensation an activity gives you, you leave all of the STUFF swirling around in your head and are able to relax.  You then allow yourself to let go and go to another place.  It’s a very peaceful place to be!

So, I know I am always showing what is considered the bright and shining moments to most on the outside, but I wanted to share one of my favorite activities in the playroom which is joining with my sweet boy.  It’s these moments where I feel most connected to him and where I learn so much about both of us. Lucas is pretty interactive in parts of this activity and you will see/hear me celebrate his eye contact,etc.  However, I hope you see the beauty in joining!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv4-Q_Geobs&feature=youtu.be

 

It’s all about connecting….

15/09/19 at 8.56pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

11951325_10153629420908699_2082670449096249030_n

I can’t believe it has been a year since we started our Son-Rise Program!  One incredible year!!  I have so much respect for this program and the life it has given to me and my family!  A life full of gratitude instead of anger, joy instead of pain, a  life focused on beautiful moments instead of negative emotions, and most of all a life full of HOPE instead of despair.  My son has been such an amazing gift to us!!  Look at all we have been given because of his beautiful existence….gratitude, joy, love, beautiful moments, hope!

I am always going on and on about the progress Lucas has made.  He hit more social goals in the first month of this program than he did in three years of anything else.  I’m going to throw some more love out to there to all of the people who have been there for our family  and our son.  Our volunteers, who amazingly commit not only their time but have to put a huge part of themselves out there in order for this to be successful.  It’s another level of volunteering that few are called to do.  They are what I call my gems and they are amazing!  Also, our friends and family,  who are consistently there supporting us with love, donations, kind words.  It is an unbelievably amazing thing to put yourself out there, to be vulnerable, and to see the amount of love and support there is around you!  I think everyone should have an experience that allows them the chance to be truly vulnerable.  It’s a humbling and life-fulfilling experience.  Our life is fuller than I ever would’ve expected because of this.

Also, I have been told 4 times now by complete strangers that my son seems so full of joy.  Joy! Who uses the word joy?! Everyone talks about being happy.  The word happy to me seems to require something to happen in order to have a happy feeling.  JOY, however, is a state of being.  To have four complete strangers use the word “joy” is enough for me!  I don’t even need goals to be met.   My son is joyful!  Everything else is just icing on the cake.  He is continually making progress, but I am most effected to my core by the light my son has become, the light that strangers recognize as joy!  Below is a video of him with one of our volunteers radiating this in such a beautiful  moment and interaction.

https://youtu.be/a848H8Q8Tss

 

Need Nothing, But want everything!

15/09/04 at 12.52pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

“Need Nothing, but want everything for your child with autism!”

A Son-Rise quote and fundamental of this program.

It’s an amazing thing to truly love, accept and treasure your special child for who they are in this moment. This statement is not about believing they don’t have the potential to grow.  IT IS ABOUT not needing them to do or be anything in order to be loved and appreciated for who they are while still wanting everything and more for them! It’s about giving them the love and support they need so they can grow and reach their full potential!

We had a huge breakthrough in the playroom this past week! Lucas in the past has really enjoyed slap-stick humor in our play with him, watching us doing more so than him doing.  In the clip below, Lucas falls down and the kicker…..on purpose….to be silly!  He initiates this interaction that lasted close to 15 minutes.  He kept concocting situations where he would dramatically fall down to make me laugh.  It was such a beautiful and unbelievably fun moment in the playroom.  I am so happy that I was the one who got to play this game with him!!!

https://youtu.be/OWRWKyMWAyM

My second clip is again of me this past week.  We are working on physical participation in an interaction.  This interaction lasted close to 20 minutes.  It started with just us running.  Then running ending in a tickle/hug.  Then me requesting Lucas to push me to get me running for the tickle/hug.  Then Lucas pushing me with no direction other than me freezing.  I am amazed at how effortless his participation is happening and how much he is investing himself in our fun together!  I hope you enjoy this as much as I certainly did!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdGEcty9MQc&feature=youtu.be

We all just want to be loved and accepted for who we are!

15/08/01 at 9.24am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

heart

Well….I am finally back from our hiatus!  Thanks for being patient while we moved.  : )  Firstly, the move went well.  Lucas has really taken to his new home, especially the fenced-in yard, and more importantly his Son-Rise playroom.  It is considerably smaller than his last playroom, so I was unsure how he would adjust, but it has been a wonderful adjustment for him and the program overall.  With a smaller room, we are able to position easier for more eye contact and therefore are noticing more opportunities for interaction.

A few awesome things that we have noticed with our Lucas this past month:  He is dressing himself!!  (this is a big victory for mom.  lol)  I’m not just talking putting clothes on, but actually going into his drawers and picking out an outfit.  I can’t tell you the countless hours I spent to no avail having him break the task down into digestible bits prior to this program, only to have both him and I frustrated in the process.  Not to mention he had absolutely no interest in the activity.  Was he learning to do it previously, yes, but he was more interested in the reward and therefore was not independently wanting to do it.  Like I said…huge victory!

Here was the big one for me, actually gave me tears.  Lucas picked out decorations for his room.!! He actually told me what he wanted without it having to be in front of him.  I have decorated his room three times in the past with no interest from him, even with choices in front of him.  So, as my daughter and I were excitedly talking about her new room in the car and what she wanted, I decided to give it a try with Lucas.  I turned to him with a big smile and asked him what he wanted for his room, expecting no answer as usual.  He turns to me with this sly smile and says, “I want car and mater.”  I ended up having to order his wall decals from Israel of all places, but that kid was going to get car and mater if I had to travel there myself.  LOL.  And yes I cried tears of happiness over this, as it was one of many firsts we have been experiencing since starting this program.  My son is showing interest in our world!!!!

I’ll just share one more, but an equally big development.  Lucas is REALLY enjoying ALL people these days.  He is happier with people here than when they are not.  This is definitely a polar opposite to a year ago.  He used to retreat to his room when we had anyone here.  When we first moved in, a group of young boys came over excitedly to introduce themselves and welcome us to the neighborhood.  We, of course, trepidatiously introduced our family and Lucas.  Telling them that Lucas is sometimes quiet but loves to be around people.  The boys accepted this answer and went next door to their home.  We began unpacking and could not find Lucas.  He had wondered over to this group of boys, chewing on the end of his pine tree branch (LOL …something I’ve begun to adore) with this great big smile as if he was part of the group.  Also, his cousins came over last week to see the house and he wanted to be in the heart of all the action the entire afternoon!

Finally…..I am sharing a video of Lucas in his new playroom with one of our volunteers.  I like this video because at Christmastime, when we went to intensive, he had a similar interaction with one of the Son-Rise facilitators.  However, the stark contrast is that Lucas is completely in charge in this interaction.  He is not afraid to tell her what he wants, how he wants it and is throughly enjoying this interaction with his friend!!  Please enjoy and I am happy to be back with you all!!!

 

Always love when Susan visits!

15/05/09 at 2.33pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

We had our bimonthly visit by our Son-Rise Facilitator, Susan.  It is always amazing and enlightening to learn from her!  We are able to get ideas on how to approach current goals with Lucas.  Also, as Lucas changes as grows through the duration of this program, which is constantly happening, we are able to get a fresh perspective from Susan.

In these videos, Susan is working on encouraging physical participation from Lucas during an interaction.  We, as a team, have been slowly progressing with this goal, however, as I said before, we have a new Lucas evolving before our eyes and Susan was most definitely able to show us many new techniques drawn from her experience working with hundreds of kids on the spectrum.

In the first video, you will see Susan giving as many squeezes to Lucas as she can, building up his motivation for them.  You will then see in the second video, how she is able to build the motivation of squeezes into the game…so much so that Lucas is scrambling to help her build the “squeeze house” so he can get more.  Fun to watch how much fun Lucas is having in the process and how her requests to ask him to grow and participate doesn’t even come across as a task to Lucas.  : )  This is the beautiful process that Son-Rise offers.  It allows Lucas to see us as fun and engaging, which is of course what we want from our children with autism, instead of demanding and one-sided.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLMSiijFpI8&list=PLLzGYAlO0gNqjNaR_m7H8zikbywRWcsCS

 

 

The Son-Rise did you know!? Part 2

15/05/02 at 12.55pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

To sum up Autism Awareness month, I wanted to include a part 2 to the “did you know facts” compiled by our beautiful Son-Rise Advisors!

DID  YOU KNOW?……….

  • that when our children get super controlling, it’s time for us to get super flexible.
  • that a lack of response from our children does not mean a lack of understanding?
    The challenge our children have is showing us a response we can understand.
  • that thinking “I just want it to stop” is the number one thing that keeps your child tantrums going?
  • our attitude and emotional state have an enormous effect on how responsive our children are? When we are upset, uncomfortable, worried, stressed out, or angry, our children pick up on this and rather than” moving closer toward us” they “move further away”…
    Similarly when we are open, loving, accepting, easy, and relaxed our children pick up on this – and “move toward” us vs “move away”. Quite similarly as many of us do with the people in our own lives.
  • that, no matter what anyone says, your child’s future has not been written yet? The possibilities for your child’s future are endless! What your child does today, tells you nothing about what your child will be able to do in the future. Our hope and belief in what our children can one day do, will inspire them to reach the highest heights and grow in the most incredible ways!
  • that when we reward our children for desired behaviors, we are creating robotic behavior. Every time a child is given a treat, toy, or reward for demonstrating a skill, we are not helping that child learn how to do that skill on their own… spontaneously!
    What happens, is that child may learn the skill, but really the reason they are doing it is to get the reward. Robotic behavior is not a symptom of autism, it is simply a symptom of the way we teach our children with autism.
  • one of the things we overlook the most with our kids is not explaining what we’re going to do (or what’s going to happen) in advance? (And this includes pre-verbal children!)
  • That joining our children in their “isms” (stims) instead of trying to stop them is saying: “I love and accept you JUST the way your are,” “I am SINCERELY interested in your world, and “I WANT to understand you (not judge you).  Who doesn’t want that in their lives!
  • that setting boundaries works best when you set as few as possible – but are totally unmovable with the ones you do set?
  • that 99% of the time, our children are worked with in a way that slows down their learning? Often times our children are taught to achieve skill comprehension based on learning something that is not motivating for them… Why not use our child’s main motivation and interest and include that within the skills we are trying to help our children learn. Motivation is the key to all learning! Lets show our children that learning can be fun!
  • that one of the most helpful things we can teach our children is: though they cannot necessarily control what the world brings them, they can choose how they are going to feel about it?
  • our children are so incredibly intelligent, and that the key to autism progress doesn’t lie in helping our children to be more intelligent.. smarter … more clever… or quick? Its about helping them become more social so they can express their intelligence within.

AND FINALLY……

  • that focusing on socialization BEFORE academic skills is the fastest route to true progress? And by progress we mean, helping our children live independent lives, full of rich meaningful relationships. Helping them really excel the in the world around them… the social world. The dreams we have for our children are ones of having a group of friends… a best friend… playing on sports teams… graduating from school… getting married…etc. When we focus on socialization we are giving ourselves an opportunity to go after the dreams we have for our children.

Celebrating Autism!

15/04/07 at 6.18pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

Celebrate

In celebration of autism, Autism Awareness month,  and the foundation of love and acceptance in this program, I wanted to share the following video.  The message above has become so resoundingly clear to Lucas since the inception of this program (September 2014), that moments like those portrayed below happen now almost daily in the playroom.  We started out just trying to get Lucas to allow physical touch in some way for at least 30 seconds.  It is unbelievable to me that not only is this happening, all the time,  he is the one initiating these moments with some lasting close to 5 minutes!  Without the constant love, non-judgement, and willingness of our team to be in Lucas’ world, this would not be possible.   There is no way to put a price tag on this type of progress!!  Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM8xNCjWoo8

 

Inspiring Lucas to Grow

15/03/07 at 5.30pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

I have three videos today of our newest volunteers and they are both absolutely amazing with Lucas in the playroom!  Just a quick explanation.  I chose these videos because they involve some wonderful work (or should I say play…lol) on our volunteers’ part to first motivate Lucas in a game and second to inspire him to grow.  When we say grow, we are pulling goals in at his direction and stretching him/giving him opportunities to participate in our world and create meaningful, trusting relationships.

In the first video, our volunteer is working on the clarity goal (inspiring Lucas to use his normal voice in communication instead of a whisper or high-pitched voice).  Our volunteer does an amazing job of asking Lucas to grow in a fun, enthusiastic way when he is highly motivated in their squeeze game.  It’s a very sweet interaction between the two of them.

The second two videos, our volunteer is really working on physical participation in a game.  You’ll have to excuse my mediocre cropping software.  The video is a bit blurry, but our volunteer’s enthusiasm, energy and excitement shines through even without the greatest clarity of picture.  She is having so much fun that Lucas actually begins to want to color with her on the same picture, initiated by him!  This is another goal of ours….physical participation around a shared activity/object.

On a side note, the team met this past week and we are so excited with all of the progress Lucas has been making.  We have noticed that his clarity has really taken off in and out of the room and that his physical participation percentage has been climbing up.

Another unbelievable development is that Lucas this past week engaged in a 3-loop conversation for the first time!  This is HUGE!!!!!  We were monitoring this and he was inconsistently participating in 1-loop conversations as long as choices were provided as answers.  What’s a loop you ask?  It’s something like us saying, “Lucas are you hungry,” and Lucas responding “yes.”  A 3-loop would continue with two more loops around the same topic: “What do you want to eat?”, Lucas responds “Pizza.” Then, “What do you want on your pizza?”, “pepperoni.”

Let me explain why this is a big deal.  It takes a great deal of focus for Lucas to be able to process and answer one question appropriately, but to follow a whole sequence around the same topic is incredible!!!  As well as staying engaged long enough to make it that far.  A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

So….Onto the show!  : )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITuvObfDIX0&index=3&list=PLLzGYAlO0gNoIMvy7LmavY9uqvS5SfUoj

 

 

Next Posts