Our Son-Rise Journey

Becoming a Force of Nature – A Wonderful Catastrophe

16/04/19 at 12.47pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

Becoming a Force of Nature – A Wonderful Catastropheforce of natureThis is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.
                                                                                                      -George Bernard Shaw

Shortly after Lucas was formally diagnosed, I remember reading my first biography about a mother who unrelentingly recovered her child from autism.  She made a bold statement at the end of the book stating that she believed her tenacity and conviction is what allowed the events to take place that led to her son’s recovery.   Tenacity has always been a well-known characteristic of mine.  After I read this section, I turned to my son with a smile, and said, “We are so in!  We’ve got this!”  I realized in that moment what my purpose was, and I wasn’t going to stop reaching for it until my dream for my son was realized.  I chose to take that little bit of light left in me and allowed myself to become strong enough to rise up from the desperation I felt.   I unknowingly became what Son-Rise likes to call a force of nature!

A force of nature….a natural phenomenon that humans cannot control!  It is full of energy, unstoppable, unchallengeable, unforgettable!  A force of nature can accomplish things when others give up or give in.

When I attended Son-Rise a few years after my son’s diagnosis, they touched on what it really meant to be a force of nature and how important it was in reaching for the unreachable for our very special children.  We were also given the tools on how to execute and fulfill our purpose for our children.

Clarity of Purpose being the first step.  Having a clarity of purpose is being able to tell people exactly what you are going to accomplish with a calm and unshakable sense of certainty.  You have to decide to make a difference and create clear principles to support that purpose.   My clarity of purpose was and continues to be showing my love and acceptance of my son through my interactions with him, loving him as he is, while still giving him every opportunity to grow.  I will never limit his ability to achieve, nor will I define his worth through a need for achievement.  He will always be loved and accepted as the beautiful human being that he is.

Conviction becomes such an important aspect of carrying out your purpose.  This is whole-heartedly believing in what you are doing (your purpose) and creating beliefs that support them.  Aspiring to live your life as you wish and living your life as if you are a force of nature.  I have definitely chosen to take the less-traveled path with my son through this program.  I pulled him out of a school that was highly revered for their special needs program.  I stopped ABA therapy, which is the agreed-upon prescribed therapy for children on the spectrum.  I sought out well-known medical and homeopathic doctors specializing in autism across the country to help heal our son physically, and I was alienated and asked to leave many mainstream medical practices as a result.  I did all of these things because my clarity of purpose was so strong for my son.

Taking daring action and standing tall even in the face of opposition is what it takes to put your purpose into effect and to ultimately begin realizing your dreams. Hiding from your purpose  for fear of judgement makes you become closed off and keeps you from growing.   You don’t need to be strong enough to lift and change the world.  I found that you just need to be strong enough to hold on to your place in the world and brave enough to live out your purpose even in the face of opposition and judgement.  Many looked at me as if I was crazy for going against the grain and choosing differently for Lucas.  The choices I made seemed simple and straight forward to me.  I believed in my purpose with such certitude, I didn’t see how I could choose any other path for our son.  This program was entirely focused on my child’s needs and centered on inspiring him to grow through love, respect, acceptance and most importantly on his timeline not ours.  I also loved its emphasis on being grateful for our children and truly not needing anything in particular to happen in order to show them that they are loved, valued, accepted and appreciated!  Their existence alone was enough to merit these things.  My conviction in this was so strong that I did much of this without the support or encouragement from my surrounding autism community.

Passion!  If there is anything that is going to inspire growth and move your purpose into action, it is this.  Give it all you got!  Personify an energy based on sheer will!  Move as if you have purpose pulling yourself in the direction of your goals through purposeful actions!  When you do this, you are putting all of your 51 trillion cells of energy into your purpose which intentionally affects your physiology and changes you and the world around you.  Passion strengthens every aspect of your purpose.

Lastly, persistence cannot be overlooked. As Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman) stated, most of us give up on our dreams, before we even pursue them.  Persistence is believing so much in your purpose, that you never give up.  Time is of no consequence.  It is knowing that no matter how long it takes, living out your purpose is a success in itself. Success and failure are viewed with such an unwavering detachment that it serves as our teacher and compels us to keep going.  Unforeseen events are rare and of little consequence because of the depth of self-understanding and the belief in your purpose is so deeply rooted.

“When you become a Force of Nature, there are never any regrets because giving of yourself so deeply and fully is in itself its own reward” – Barry Neil Kaufman

When you truly become a force of nature,  life becomes an adventure and your accomplishments then become milestones in your journey!  Living with purpose and clarity adds a level of authenticity that is so rewarding.  Lucas is thriving and through this journey with my son, I have learned how to be unstoppable, unchallengeable, unforgettable and to truly live MY life to the fullest without apology or the need for affirmation.

 

Side Note:  I wanted to include a recent video of my newest volunteer.  She is doing amazingly and is such a bright light.  Lucas is already taking to her because of her genuine, authentic nature.  She is a perfect fit for this program and I feel fortunate she has joined our team.  A little taste of the bond her Lucas are already sharing.  Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

The Power of the Dreamers and the Doers

16/04/08 at 3.02pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

 

surround-yourself-with-the-dreamers-and-the-doers-the-believers-and-thinkers-quote-1“It is the dreamers who become doers that change lives and change the world as we know it…often for the better if they have a sense of love, kindness, caring and inclusion in their thoughts and in their hearts.”

-Barry Neil Kaufman

I am at a crossroads in this program in having to say goodbye to one of my “original” Son-Rise volunteers, Heather, as she graduates college and begins a new journey in Colorado.  She has been with us since the inception of our Son-Rise program (now 18 months).  Although I am struggling with seeing her go, I also know that she most certainly has become family through this beautiful Son-Rise “process” and will always be in our lives.  Her impending absence has brought on so much reflection of our 5-year journey with our very special child and the amazing life Son-Rise has given us in such a short 18 months.  This may seem an absurd statement to most, but I feel as if the universe has favored my family by giving us this very special child that ultimately set us on this exquisite path of growth and change.

I feel one of the biggest life lessons I have learned through my child and this program is the beauty of humanity.  Negativity is a such a focus all around us that it is easy to believe that it is all that exists, but I am here to tell you that there is a beauty beyond all of that.  It’s hard to see it because so many of us keep our needy selves tucked away, however, when you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable, it’s amazing the love and support that human beings are capable of and willing to give.

When I decided I was going to run a home-based Son-Rise program,  I was overwhelmed at the thought of recruiting volunteers.  My Son-Rise advisor told me, “You just have to ask!”  I thought to myself, she’s crazy!   Who in this world is going to give me 4 hours a week, be open enough to allow me (a stranger no less with no psych degree) to open them up through feedback and dialogue, AND commit to more than 6 months of this program for no payment!?  Well, turns out she was right!  What I found was that when you open yourself up to vulnerability, you give humanity a chance.  You are given the opportunity to see firsthand that there is so much love out there and such a willingness to help! This journey restored my faith in the goodness of people and the awareness that there is value in EVERY person.  This has allowed me to be wholeheartedly authentic and open without reservation or fear of judgement.

Many of our volunteers were complete strangers or at best acquaintances prior to their involvement in our program.   Strangers….whom we now consider family. They continually open up their hearts and give us their time, love, commitment and acceptance.  Another remarkable characteristic of being in this program is that our volunteers have to be willing to concretely look at themselves through the option dialogue process that takes place.  This is not an easy thing for anybody to do, to REALLY look into themselves.   This individual dialogue process really allows our volunteers to explore themselves and uncover their unique belief systems further enabling them to understand why they respond the way they do in the playroom and ultimately in life.  Self-awareness is the first step in creating what you want and mastering your life.  Our lives and our child’s life have been forever changed because of their desire, trust and dedication to this process.  Our volunteers have literally been an integral part in giving our family our life back through their ability to be committed, relatable, vulnerable and most of all their ability to love our child without judgement or condition.

So as I began to reflect on our last 18 months of this program,  I started to look at how many social goals we have actually met since inception.  I want to start by telling you that there were not what I consider concrete “social” goals on Luke’s school IEP, and it was rare for him to meet more than a handful of cognitive goals in a school year.   Most of the goals year over year were basically repeated and what I like to label as stretched.  For example, if Lucas could balance on one foot for 5 seconds, they would stretch it to 10 seconds the following year.  I would say Lucas probably hit 5 to 8 cognitive goals in a school year, with “social” goals almost always needing some sort of extension or further definition for the following year.  As a side note, I feel it is important to state that I don’t blame the schools for these short-comings.  Creating an environment where true social goals can naturally develop and flourish is difficult to integrate in this type of setting.  Additionally, there just isn’t enough resources, time and money in the budget to go around so that every child has the one-on-one attention that is needed to achieve this.

A pivotal moment in which I realized something needed to change for Lucas was while I was sitting in one of these monthly reviews of his progress in school.  I had bronchitis, barely had a voice and was literally fighting with administration to have a sensory swing hung for my son so he could regulate his body better while in class.  I remember thinking that something didn’t feel right even though Lucas was doing well in relation to his set goals.  I kept hearing myself make statements close to the following ( “Well that’s great that he can read at kindergarten level, but can he comprehend a book or does he even want to?”  “I’m happy he can ask for a toy in a prompted interaction, but does he play with it and does he have friends?”  “What good is any of this going to do him if he knows all these facts but can’t relate to another human being!”) and while doing so, I realized that if Lucas was going to have any hope of breaking through, we needed to focus on his biggest challenge, social connection.  This is when I went searching for what came to be the Son-Rise program.

A little background on the framework of the Son-Rise program.   It is entirely a child-centered, parent-directed, home-based, play-based social program.  There are 5 social stages within the program.  Once stage 5 is completed, your child is considered fully socially-integrated or let me utter the scandalous “R” word….recovered.  Each stage has about 35 to 40 goals falling under categories such as eye contact, communication (verbal and nonverbal), interactive attention span and flexibility.  It is the belief of this program that cognitive skills are more easily attained and understood by a child who is fully socially integrated and aware of why they learning these skills to begin with.  After observing Lucas in the school system for the prior 3 years, this piece of the program made such practical sense to me.

Since inception of the Son-Rise program, we as a team have focused on and successfully met 13 SOCIAL goals.  Lucas has generalized all goals met as well.  Generalization is when a child on the spectrum is able to take a skill they have learned and apply it to their general environment.  In ABA there is a whole generalization teaching process that takes place once a skill is acquired.  In Son-Rise generalization happens simultaneously and seamlessly without the need for any extra effort to do so.  Lucas has additionally hit 30 SOCIAL goals on his own just from growing within the program.  He is also emerging in an additional 32 SOCIAL goals!  To give you an idea of how far we have come socially, Lucas was tying up stage 1 when we started this program 18 months ago.  He is now emerging across the board on all stage 3 goals!

Let me paint you a not-so-technical picture of just how far we have come.  Prior to the Son-Rise program, Lucas had fleeting eye contact at best, little or no desire to interact, and was withdrawn most hours of the day.  He had constant behavioral issues such as scratching and hitting.  There were times he would literally chase after us or crawl across the table to physically hit or scratch us.  He would consistently leave cat-like scratch marks down our arms.  In fact I don’t think I wore short sleeves for the better part of 2 years.  He is most definitely not that child anymore!  So when I tell you he has made considerable strides, I mean it!  Lucas has begun playing outside of the playroom.  He is engaged.  He laughs every day.  He is affectionate and affection-seeking.  And he is HAPPY.  I would even use the word JOYOUS!!!!

So my advice is that when you are faced with those people in your life who use words such as can’t, impossible, impractical, unrealistic, unreasonable, etc.,  I suggest you turn the other way and continually and actively seek to surround yourself with the dreamers, the doers, and the ones who believe in you and light up when you talk about your dreams.  In my experience, this is how you embrace happiness and effect change in your life and the lives around you.

We are healing our son and he is making such strides because we have amazing volunteers and supporters who DREAM and DO right beside us in the face of adversity and naysayers who say autism is irreversible or hopeless.  We are proving them wrong every minute of every day.  Lucas has already far surpassed many of the things I was told he may never do and health-wise he has been healing from an autoimmune disease we were told would be near impossible to do.  As a dreamer and doer, I can tell you there will never be a ceiling as to where Lucas can go or what he can achieve.

THE POWER OF DREAMING BRINGS ABOUT HOPE, AND HOPE ACCOMPANIED WITH INTENTION CAN HAVE A POWERFUL EFFECT ON OUTCOME!

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My Farewell wish to Heather

Thank you so much for dreaming  and doing with us!  Please don’t forget your ability to leave a positive imprint on the lives of others.  Keep discovering your passions and acting on them.  I have no doubt that you will continue to inspire others with your thoughtful actions, lead a life that you can be proud of, and you will most definitely make your mark to better the world leaving a legacy of love for generations to come!

Your imprint on our family and Lucas will be forever visible and never forgotten.  We love you and wish you well on your next chapter in your life!

With Love and Forever Gratitude,

Shannon

I have included the video of your favorite interaction with Lucas!  Enjoy!