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Our Son-Rise Journey

How do we lead!?

15/06/28 at 6.51pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

We are in the process of moving, so unfortunately I do not have the time to view and edit videos, so it may be a month or so before I am able to share more playroom time content.  I do have so many updates and there is a constant flow of new developments coming out of Lucas, that I can barely keep track anymore!  It’s crazy, I am consistently amazed by the effects of this program on my son and the way it continues to compound ten-fold in our everyday lives.

I follow a page on Facebook led by Bill Nason, and I really thought this post hit home as to some of the fundamentals of Son-Rise and our children in general.  Mind you, he is not part of Son-Rise but the techniques that he preaches and the fundamentals that he has found successful in his own practice mirror many of the same concepts. Fancy that!  LOL  : )

“For many children on the spectrum, “uncertainty” is their greatest fear! When the world is chaotic and confusing, scary and painful, “uncertainty” is your worst enemy. Novelty is an attraction for most young children, driving their curiosity and thirst for learning However, for many children on the spectrum, familiarity and predictably is the only thing that helps them feel safe. High anxiety is the result of this underlying insecurity, leaving the child constantly “on guard” in anticipation of the next assault of uncertainty waiting around the corner.
If you are this child, what do you do to guard yourself and keep yourself safe? When the world is confusing and scary, your senses overwhelming, and people unpredictable how do you survive? You try to control everything around you to make your world as predictable as possible and you aggressively fight any attempt by others to change that. Does that make you feel “happy”; no! However, it is not about feeling happy, it is about escaping fear! You become motivate to escape and avoid uncertainty at all costs! It becomes a survival need, not a drive for happiness.
Since you cannot read the intent and actions of others, their guidance pushes you into continuous uncertainty. The more you resistant, the harder they push; pushing you into the scary void of uncertainty. How can you trust someone who pushes when you are scared, who pressures you into fear. You can’t! You resist in panic; you kick, hit and bit in protest. You build a wall of control that breeds further suspicion and distrust. You anticipate and interpret the approaches by others as possible threats to your security. You cannot trust something that you do not feel safe with.
For a parent how do you build trust in a rigid wall of fear and insecurity? When your guidance is met with fear and fight? The answer lies in “stop guiding.” You cannot guide those who do not trust! They cannot follow your lead if they do not trust you. When your guidance elicits fear and fight, you cannot lead and teach. Stop prompting, instructing, pushing, pressuring and forcing “compliance.” It only breeds further fear and stronger distrust. As a parent or teacher whose role is to guide and direct, nothing makes you feel so inadequate and fearful than the child who adamantly resisting your lead.
You have to build “safe and acceptance” first, before you can develop trust in following your lead. The child has to first feel safe in your presence to allowing you to guide him into uncertainty. To establish this trust you have to back up and stop trying to prompt, instruct, direct, and force compliance. You have to first follow the child’s lead, become a valued partner in his zone of comfort. If he fears uncertainty, then let him lead. Once he feels safe with you sharing his comfort zones, then you can gradually try to stretch these comfort zones.
Make the bulk of your interactions centered on what helps your child feel safe, engaged, and competent. What helps him feel “safe” and what “engages” him? What is he attracted to and what does he feel competent doing? Value what he values, and build yourself into those experiences. Be an active element in his world; one that he values and feels safe. Learn what interaction style he feels safe with and is attracted to? Does he prefer slow, soft and gentle interaction or an exciting, animated style? What types of experiences attracts him (movement, deep pressure, music, video games, baseball statistics, etc.)? If the child likes to hum and rock, then hum and rock together. If historical facts help him feel competent then become a historian! Become excited about what excites him! Stop leading for a while, and be a follower. Establish trust before becoming a guide.
The secret is “affect”, sharing emotion together! Turn his world into a sharing experience. Become part of his play and make it a “we-do;” doing it together and sharing the experience. Be excited and share emotion around the engagement. “Affect”, the sharing of emotion, is the glue that cements safe engagement. Whether that be gentle, soothing affect, or animated, excited emotion; let him lead and then become emotionally attach to it.
These strategies will teach your child to feel safe and accepted by you. However, this alone will not teach him to trust following your lead. Once he feels safe sharing emotional engagement in his activity, with him leading, then you start expanding his comfort zones by adding small variations into what you two are doing. Simply expand by adding small variations, creating small amounts of novelty (uncertainty) to his familiar play. Keep the variations small but fun! Gradually add more and more bits of variations (uncertainty) while he stays feeling safe and engaged with you. If he pulls backs and resists, back up and re-establish safe engagement again. More than likely the variation was a little too much for him. Back up and make it simpler. Keep the emotion sharing going (animated facial expressions, excited voices, etc.); building the emotional connection (essential for trust). Gradually expand more and more by adding small variations to what he already feels safe with. Gradually adding “safe” novelty with the child trusting your guidance, will teach him to feel safe following your lead. Once he feels safe with your guidance he will trust following your lead.”

-Bill Nason, MS, LLP/Excerpted from his Facebook page “Autism Discussion Page”

Finding the Power

15/06/18 at 5.07pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

Finding the power

 

This statement is such a reflection of our continuing Son-Rise journey with Lucas.  At our May team meeting, I asked my team members to write down two things: 1.)The biggest difference they have noticed in Lucas since the inception of this program in September 2014 and 2.)The biggest impact or change the program has had on them individually.

The biggest change was unanimously that he is now continually happy and joyful, and that he has a pure love for interaction and people in general!  Doesn’t even sound like a child with autism, does it!?  By joining and celebrating Lucas, we were able to enter his world, on his terms and at his level and he most certainly crossed that bridge into our world in the process.

The biggest impact this program has had on my team is the ability to be present in every moment in the playroom and also being able to transcend that ability outside of the playroom.  Being present and full accepting of a person shows a kind of love that speaks volumes to all people.

In the video below, Lucas is most certainly joyful!! : )  One of our goals was for Lucas to verbally participate in an interaction.  You will see in this video, his direct role in this and the fun he is having with another person.  He tells her, “up, carry, run, faster, down,” etc.  His language has become so much clearer, direct, purposeful and more importantly playful and interactive!  You will also notice how my volunteer continually celebrates him throughout the interaction.

This is the fun of this program.  These goals are so seamlessly woven in and become motivating in themselves to Lucas because he is telling us he is ready for them.  I remember previous to Son-Rise being on the same social/play goal for months, even over a few years and not meeting them.

We had worked on greetings previously for 2 years and  it was almost always robotic, painful and many times reward-driven.  He now says, “hello, goodbye, hey, good morning, good night, see ya later, etc.”  and it is meaningful and with intent every time!  That veil of autism is slowly coming off, layer by layer, and it is because of the power of our team to reach inside themselves and pursue Lucas’ world that this is happening!

https://youtu.be/0_szYNPMblU

What a Difference!

15/06/12 at 12.32pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

This week is going to be short.  I have shown these two videos to my team, but I really wanted to show all of you the difference this program has made in Lucas’ ability and overall desire to interact with those around him.

The first video is an older one. Our daughter was probably 9 months old.  However, we really stopped video taping Lucas after this period of time as this is around when Lucas was formally diagnosed with Autism, so there wasn’t much recent material….sort of our grieving time period.

Video 1 is a perfect representation of how Lucas interacted prior to the Son-Rise program.  Things to notice in the first video:  My daughter, albeit 9 months old, is super-engaged with me and although you won’t see this portion, tries to engage her brother with no success in the beginning.  Lucas in this video is completely unaware of me videotaping (even though I call to him) and unaware of his sister as well.

Video 2 was taken a few months ago…about 6 months into the program.  We are now on month 9 of Son-Rise.  I missed videotaping the very beginning of this interaction between Lucas and his sister, but it is important to note that Lucas walked up, sat down at the table and reached across to touch his sister to begin this interaction.  Notice how engaged he is with his sister and how he notices me a few times…..even when I was silent during the video taping.

It’s amazing what this program has done!! He is even more engaged now than he was in this video, but I really wanted to take a moment for you all to see the difference that is so apparent in our son through these two videos.  Sorry for my videotaping skills : /  Not my strongpoint.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHpfFL8iqdo&list=PLLzGYAlO0gNr-Y6stdcYV-RKFMgx9roTS

 

The Key is…..

15/06/07 at 7.26pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

The key

When Lucas was first diagnosed and we began sharing with others for the first time that our son had autism, I remember feelings of sadness, sometimes embarrassment, and almost always with a sense of mourning of the things that we would “never” experience with our less than typical little boy. The face of the person we were telling always seemed to confirm those feelings of sadness, loss and almost pity, when the individual would utter the words, “I’m sorry.”

Those feelings seem like such a distant past.  We have learned through this journey that our unhappiness is not inevitable, that we can choose how we feel about everything in our lives.  We chose to see hope, beauty, joy and possibilities even through adversity and judgement.

Now when somebody looks at me with those eyes and says, “I’m sorry,”  I tell them, “don’t be.”  We are most-certainly blessed!  Our son has opened our door to joy and happiness through teaching us what it is to truly love and accept someone, including ourselves.   The need for SOME thing to happen in order to feel that joy is no longer necessary.  We can own whatever feeling we choose and we can move past it if we like, or we can wallow in it.  In the end….it’s our choice!  The knowledge of that alone is unbelievably freeing and open to endless possibility!

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  • Featured Post -The Dreamers and the Doers (Our 18-month Son-rise Progress Update)
  • Why Son-Rise?
  • What is the Son-Rise Program?
  • What’s it all about (A Video Presentation)
  • History of Son-Rise
  • Fox News Interview with Raun Kaufman – CEO
  • Stories of Recovery
  • Pictures of Lucas
  • Meet Our Team
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