Our Son-Rise Journey

We are his ambassadors

15/05/30 at 12.47pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

Blog 5 30

Prior to Son-Rise, many of the ways we felt we were “helping” our son to learn to be part of our world was forced.  Statements like “quiet hands”, “Look at my eyes  and I will get you what you want”, “Here is a sucker if you do X.”  Everything was conditional.  Only until after running Son-Rise for a while, did I notice the impact and damage we had done to my son’s self esteem and ,not ability, but his want to be part of our world that had disintegrated over time.  Everything to him was conditional.  He would literally put the reward up front before he would do anything that I, my husband, his teacher, etc. requested.

We were in a sense telling him, don’t be you, be like I want you to be and do what I want you to do, and you will be rewarded.  That message, although subtly given and not our intention, caused him to slowly over time give less affection to those around him until he was all but gone.  It happened so slowly that I never even noticed, until it came back almost instantly with Son-Rise.

I remember doing my first Son-Rise session with Lucas and joining him, which is the cornerstone of this program….being in their world, enjoying what they enjoy…that he literally stopped in awe, looked at me, smiled this huge beautiful smile and then hugged me from behind.  It was in this moment that I began to cry and realize the impact of what we had done.  I was  previously not showing him how wonderful he is, how wonderful we are, how rewarding and how much fun it is to have a human relationship.  I knew this program was what I wanted for my son. I wanted him to know he was valued and that we loved every part of him, including his autism, his uniqueness, his beautiful nature.

I am ecstatic to say that Lucas has really broken through another level in the Son-Rise program!!!  He enjoys being with people and wants to interact!  He regularly asks for hugs, smiles constantly (whether in pain or not from his inflammatory bowel disease), says hello with intention in and out of the playroom!  In the playroom, majority of the time is spent interacting.  Lucas is now breaking up words and sentences and want us to be a part of it, almost as if he is trying to have his version of a conversation.  I truly don’t know where we’d be if we hadn’t found this program and the many gifts it has already given us.

We have so many beautiful people in our lives now, feel present in every moment, cherish the important things in life and it has totally transformed us.  My son is our gift of a more fulfilling, joyful life.  My husband and I will be forever thankful for the impression he has and continues to leave on us and the inspiration he gives us to change and grow.

 

Welcome to Holland!

15/05/20 at 5.22pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……”-Emily Perl KingsleyWelcome-to-Holland

 

When a parent first gets a diagnosis like autism and is told all the things your child will “never” do, the initial feelings my husband and I felt were crushing, heart-wrenching and  hopeless.  Lucas has taught us so much about love and acceptance and seeing the beauty and gift in every person God has created.  Can there be a better gift for any human being?!  Isn’t that really what we all want….is to be loved and accepted for who we are.  The funny thing is, as we began this journey of love and acceptance and seeing the beautiful things Holland has to offer through our child, we began to realize that NO ONE has a crystal ball.  NO ONE person can tell us what our child is capable of or where he will be in 10 years.  It is that alone that sent us as his parents searching for hope and finding the Son Rise Program.  The program’s foundation was built on these very principles.  It was a no-brainer for us!

As a parent, all you ever really want for your child is joy, the ability to relate and form relationships, and most of all the comfortability to just be themselves, love themselves and become who they were intended to be.  I will reiterate that when we started this program less than a year ago….eye contact was fleeting, Lucas could not tolerate touch for more than 10 seconds, there was little trust, and he definitely didn’t allow me to wrap my arms around him.  I look back at pulling him out of school and taking this leap of faith, called Son-Rise, and I can’t believe how far he has come socially with just love, acceptance, a little creativity and ALOT of fun!  And of course a team full of people ready and willing to give him all of those qualities and more.  He is now so full of joy!

I have included a few short clips of me in the playroom below.  I know I haven’t shared much of me in a while…so lucky you!  LOL.  Some very real, very tender moments for me….between me and my son.  One note…sorry I do have an obnoxious laugh in this video.  I am a very happy mama to get the affection he is giving me.

Some Insight From Philip

15/05/14 at 10.23am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

What a wonderful brief essay written by this sweet boy named Philip! He doesn’t speak, but he can communicate (beautifully!) through typing.

His essay is moving and totally validates the approach we take in The Son-Rise Program®.  I have included the entire article as it was posted below.

 

 I Have Nonverbal Autism. Here’s What I Want You to Know.

My 12-year-old son, Philip, has nonverbal autism but can communicate with others by typing. He keeps a blog where he describes his experiences living with autism and clears up common misconceptions. He wrote this essay in response to the question, “What do you want people to be aware of on Autism Awareness Day?
“I want people to know autism is another way of being. I am weary of stereotypes that make us out to be less human than neurotypical people. I have listened to people talk negatively about autism since I was diagnosed and, as a result, I learned to hate myself and think I was a monster for causing so much hardship. I can’t let others continue living under these common misconceptions about autism.

Let’s pretend you are like me. You can’t talk, but you have a well-functioning mind and can understand people. Imagine you answer everyone who says something to you, but only you can hear it. Others hear your voice saying things you don’t necessarily mean. They think that’s all you are capable of thinking. People see your repetitive flapping or tapping and they think it serves no purpose. They don’t understand that the minute you stop, the moment is flooded with lights that hum, loud sounds that echo, kids moving too fast for you to keep up with and people trying to engage with you. It is hard on me to put my stimming away, but I try.

People see your hyper movement. They prefer you sit quietly. It’s hard for me to feel my body in space, so I prefer to move because I can feel my body better.

In school, interesting subjects like math, science, social studies and language arts stimulate my thinking, ease my mind and teach me something about the world. I did not always feel this way. Many years of my life were spent in an Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) school. I had to do my drills over and over until I was bored and frustrated with my teachers. Then I would have meltdowns. For me, ABA is not a solution. I experienced long hours meeting goals like pointing to flashcards and pointing to my own nose. I believe people need to be able to set their own goals. No person should be without a voice. I believe in teaching communication first. Meaningful communication means being able to say what I want to say. People must believe we are capable and that our minds are intact.

My parents have been great. They support me by communicating to others about autism and me. They play. They make my life as normal as possible.

I peacefully make friends now. I learn normally. My school values me, and I make my own goals. I feel loved when I am accepted. I feel loved when I am seen not by my momentary deficits but by my attributes that make me a complete person.

I think living with autism is no better or worse than living a typical life. Each life is special in its own way. I love my life with autism.”

This post originally appeared on Faith, Hope, and Love… With Autism.

Always love when Susan visits!

15/05/09 at 2.33pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

We had our bimonthly visit by our Son-Rise Facilitator, Susan.  It is always amazing and enlightening to learn from her!  We are able to get ideas on how to approach current goals with Lucas.  Also, as Lucas changes as grows through the duration of this program, which is constantly happening, we are able to get a fresh perspective from Susan.

In these videos, Susan is working on encouraging physical participation from Lucas during an interaction.  We, as a team, have been slowly progressing with this goal, however, as I said before, we have a new Lucas evolving before our eyes and Susan was most definitely able to show us many new techniques drawn from her experience working with hundreds of kids on the spectrum.

In the first video, you will see Susan giving as many squeezes to Lucas as she can, building up his motivation for them.  You will then see in the second video, how she is able to build the motivation of squeezes into the game…so much so that Lucas is scrambling to help her build the “squeeze house” so he can get more.  Fun to watch how much fun Lucas is having in the process and how her requests to ask him to grow and participate doesn’t even come across as a task to Lucas.  : )  This is the beautiful process that Son-Rise offers.  It allows Lucas to see us as fun and engaging, which is of course what we want from our children with autism, instead of demanding and one-sided.

 

 

The Son-Rise did you know!? Part 2

15/05/02 at 12.55pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

To sum up Autism Awareness month, I wanted to include a part 2 to the “did you know facts” compiled by our beautiful Son-Rise Advisors!

DID  YOU KNOW?……….

  • that when our children get super controlling, it’s time for us to get super flexible.
  • that a lack of response from our children does not mean a lack of understanding?
    The challenge our children have is showing us a response we can understand.
  • that thinking “I just want it to stop” is the number one thing that keeps your child tantrums going?
  • our attitude and emotional state have an enormous effect on how responsive our children are? When we are upset, uncomfortable, worried, stressed out, or angry, our children pick up on this and rather than” moving closer toward us” they “move further away”…
    Similarly when we are open, loving, accepting, easy, and relaxed our children pick up on this – and “move toward” us vs “move away”. Quite similarly as many of us do with the people in our own lives.
  • that, no matter what anyone says, your child’s future has not been written yet? The possibilities for your child’s future are endless! What your child does today, tells you nothing about what your child will be able to do in the future. Our hope and belief in what our children can one day do, will inspire them to reach the highest heights and grow in the most incredible ways!
  • that when we reward our children for desired behaviors, we are creating robotic behavior. Every time a child is given a treat, toy, or reward for demonstrating a skill, we are not helping that child learn how to do that skill on their own… spontaneously!
    What happens, is that child may learn the skill, but really the reason they are doing it is to get the reward. Robotic behavior is not a symptom of autism, it is simply a symptom of the way we teach our children with autism.
  • one of the things we overlook the most with our kids is not explaining what we’re going to do (or what’s going to happen) in advance? (And this includes pre-verbal children!)
  • That joining our children in their “isms” (stims) instead of trying to stop them is saying: “I love and accept you JUST the way your are,” “I am SINCERELY interested in your world, and “I WANT to understand you (not judge you).  Who doesn’t want that in their lives!
  • that setting boundaries works best when you set as few as possible – but are totally unmovable with the ones you do set?
  • that 99% of the time, our children are worked with in a way that slows down their learning? Often times our children are taught to achieve skill comprehension based on learning something that is not motivating for them… Why not use our child’s main motivation and interest and include that within the skills we are trying to help our children learn. Motivation is the key to all learning! Lets show our children that learning can be fun!
  • that one of the most helpful things we can teach our children is: though they cannot necessarily control what the world brings them, they can choose how they are going to feel about it?
  • our children are so incredibly intelligent, and that the key to autism progress doesn’t lie in helping our children to be more intelligent.. smarter … more clever… or quick? Its about helping them become more social so they can express their intelligence within.

AND FINALLY……

  • that focusing on socialization BEFORE academic skills is the fastest route to true progress? And by progress we mean, helping our children live independent lives, full of rich meaningful relationships. Helping them really excel the in the world around them… the social world. The dreams we have for our children are ones of having a group of friends… a best friend… playing on sports teams… graduating from school… getting married…etc. When we focus on socialization we are giving ourselves an opportunity to go after the dreams we have for our children.