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Our Son-Rise Journey

Kindness….The Ripple Effect

17/06/22 at 10.00am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

 

“The way we choose to see the world creates the world we see.” -Barry Neil Kaufman

I am in yet another transition period in my life in which I have become determined to see the growth and beauty of the experience through the challenges in front of me. One of these challenges is watching a volunteer that has given so much to me and my family over the past 3 years as well as another one that is full of so much life start new chapters in their lives. It’s amazing how much another human being can change your life just by giving you their compassion and time.

When I initially tell people that my son has autism, it is very many times met with an “I’m sorry.” In such a self-focused and self-person world, it is easy to succumb to the poor me attitude when met with what may be considered a challenge instead of finding that opportunity to grow through it. In the beginning stages of his diagnosis, I have to admit that I initially enjoyed what I felt was pity, as if it gave me some badge of honor. However, my response now is always, “Thank you for your compassion, but don’t be sorry.” My son is the reason I now know how to actively choose happiness in every moment of every day. Happiness is not in status, money, how many friends we have, etc. It is in the relationships that we hold with every human being we encounter.

This lesson is continually taught to me through watching my son find joy in such simple things and mostly watching the people who have so freely given their love, dedication, time, acceptance, nonjudgement, commitment and whole selves to us these past few years in order to give my son a chance at a more fulfilling and more connected life. They were all initially strangers…..strangers, who have shown love and compassion in a way I can only aspire to emulate. I’m not sure I can ever repay them, but what I can do is continue to live my life by their example and effect lives around me in this way.

What have I learned about acts of kindness?

I have learned that it is not one-sided……you are half of it. It’s never a sacrifice when you fully give of yourself to better another human being’s circumstances or life. When you do this, you take the focus off you and your challenges. When you place your positive energy on another soul, your life becomes a hopeful experience which brings about your own joy and happiness.

Giving is never about doing without. It’s about making greater room to receive.

Quality of life does not depend on what you have. It depends on how much you give of your heart. One person’s positive energy can profoundly change lives. Every action you take has an effect on people’s lives and the lives around them. This positive energy can then have a ripple effect and in essence has the potential to change the world!

The biggest lesson I learned is that by loving humanity in this way, you become an example of what is possible, an inspiration. You open awareness to others and their own potential to effect positive change in the world around them. You also teach gratitude, compassion and love through your actions which speak so much louder than words.

To Carter and KD:
I am forever grateful for you both. MY life has been forever altered because of the love you have shown our family and my son. Every milestone and challenge that I was initially told my son would never meet but now has met and surpassed is a celebration of your faith, love and dedication to our family and this program. Please know that YOU are the reason we have been able to learn how to find happiness and joy in our daily life. I love you both dearly and know that you will both continue to effect the lives around you in this way. Thank you for dreaming with us and reaching for the unreachable!

In the words of Maya Angelou:
My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness.

Carter, I have included my favorite video of Lucas and you in the playroom.  This is the first time we saw his sense of mischief and humor in the playroom.  Such a great moment!

 

KD, I love this video of you, because of the love and energy that just radiates in this interaction.

 

What My Child With Autism Wishes You Knew

17/04/23 at 7.10pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

I recently had the opportunity to attend an event outlining what it means to be an ally to the LGBTQ community and while listening to each individual courageously share their story about their lifelong journey and struggles with the freedom to be themselves without bias, generalizations and judgements from their surrounding communities, I began to realize what we all share as human beings.  At our core, the commonality in humanity is the desire to be loved, accepted, supported, understood and appreciated for who we truly and authentically are as individuals.

My experience at the LGBTQ event and Autism Awareness Month got me thinking about what it means to be an ally to an individual with autism or to the people who love them. As I began to write down what I felt an ally would be through my experience with my son, I realized that many of the following could so easily be paralleled with those with any disability or all people in general. After all, we all have things that make us different and subject us to judgment and bias.

How To Be an Ally

  1.  Acceptance. When we are able to accept a person and their situation completely as it is, with a nonjudgemental, accepting attitude, we can then embrace the experience as good, thereby allowing us to see more, love more and have more energy to support and make a difference. Acceptance means removing the qualifiers. People who are in the presence of someone who is truly nonjudgemental, accepting, compassionate and welcoming feel safer and are more comfortable to do things that are challenging for them.
  2. Do not pity them or their families. Pity is an expression that comes from a negative evaluation of a challenging situation, many times coming across as being labeled as something bad. Autism is a part of my son.  It is not who he is.  Although some components of it most certainly are challenging, there are many parts of his autism that are special and beautiful. It’s all about perspective and perspective is everything! Choosing to work towards changing an unproductive perspective is courageous, empowering and doable. Instead of pity, practice compassion. Compassion is the willingness to be personally involved in a person’s individual experience instead of keeping a safe emotional distance through pity. It’s the willingness to stand along side those with autism through support, encouragement and help.
  3. Person First Language. My child is first and foremost a child. He has autism. He is not primarily “autistic.” The word “autistic” means “of or relating to autism or a person with autism.” Although the word “autistic” is accurate, for those of us who live with and love a person with autism, we live with a frustrating lack of knowledge and with unfair stereotypes assigned by the world around us.  The word “autistic” does not inspire reactions of a kind nature and ultimately makes it difficult for people to see the whole person as they are past this label. Sadly there are also well-known websites that pair the word “autistic” with the synonyms of “catatonic, emotionally dead, heartless, narcissistic, unfeeling, untouchable, etc.” Not a single one of these synonyms describe my son. I personally see my child first, “with autism,” instead of him just being autistic.
  4. Never presume the level of competence of an individual with autism or believe that they are unaware of the world around them. The scientific truth is that only 15 to 25% of children with autism tested today fall into this category and who knows if that is even accurate. We are still learning the different ways that persons with autism are able to communicate such as through adapted alternatives like assistive technologies or RPM (rapid prompting method). What we do know…… there most certainly is a person “in there” and it is just unlocking the door to the way they communicate. There are numerous publications, books and blogs written by nonverbal people with autism that allow us the ability to see this perspective and so much more.
  5. When Lucas was given his diagnosis, I was given the long laundry list from his pediatrician of things he would never do. Things like: “ He may never fully communicate. He may never have friends. He will never show me love, etc.” After deciding to abandon those principles and concluding that no one was going to put a limit or ceiling on my children, neurotypical or with autism, I can tell you that all of these statements have been proven untrue. If I had believed those predictions as true and thought that he had no capacity for learning, experiencing happiness, and developing loving relationships, I probably would not have looked for opportunities to reach him in his world so he could do so. It would have been a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nothing is predetermined and all life is filled with open-ended opportunities!

  6. Please do not call autism a disease or an epidemic. It is neither of these and can come across as insulting to those who love someone with autism.
  7. Respect an individual with autism’s need to do repetitive, exclusive movements or speech fragments. Many times they are doing these things to take care of themselves. Their systems process sensory input differently than ours and it can be difficult for them when taking all of this in from their surrounding world. Their sense of smell, hearing, touch and vision can be effected in ways that we simply can not even comprehend. This can be extremely overwhelming for them and these are the incredible ways they have found to self-regulate.

There’s a quote that is numerously repeated throughout the “autism world” and I’m not sure who said it, but it definitely encapsulates my experience of being one of those individuals who loves a child with autism.  It states, “I thought I would have to teach my child about the world. It turns out I have to teach the world about my child.”  My hope is that my insights about my experiences with my child with autism today and on this blog inspire hope, respect, understanding and love for the autism community.

I thought I’d also include a short little clip of our newest volunteer in the room with Lucas.  Her energy, enthusiasm and excitement is nothing short of amazing.  All of these beautiful people who so freely give of themselves are the reason Lucas has grown so far in this program and in life in such a short period of time.  I am more than grateful and humbled every day by their love, compassion and unbridled willingness to do the fun, crazy things they do every day in that playroom to give my son nothing but opportunities.  Enjoy!

 

 

Authenticity….Being Real, Not Perfect

17/03/29 at 11.09am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

The following is a repost of an article I wrote this past June.  I felt that I needed a reminder of the importance of being my authentic self, even in the face of judgement.  I feel that ultimately when we limit who we really are, we are not only doing ourselves an injustice but we are also putting our value into the hands of those around us, thereby effecting our ultimate happiness.  I hope for those reading for the first time, my words resonate with you and those revisiting that this serves as a reminder of how amazing you and we all are in our authentic state.

 

My 5-year-old daughter and I were playing our before bedtime “game” that she has so indelibly named ‘Hearts and You.’  It’s a game where we practice voicing our gratitude or what we love about the people in our lives, moments we shared/experienced that day, unicorns, dinosaurs, you name it!  This night we decided to focus on ourselves and our core family.

We talked about what we loved about ourselves, then each other, then dad, then brother.  When I asked her what she loved about her brother, she stated “I am grateful for his autism.”  When asked why, she simply stated with such confidence, “Because it is part of him and I love him.”  What a beautiful testament to acceptance but it also made me think about the power of authenticity.  Authenticity is so difficult for pretty much the majority of the human race because of our innate desire to be accepted.  Autism is uninhibited by this need.  My son’s autism allows him to be whole-heartedly authentic without social anxiety or feeling the need to be “accepted.”  He is completely happy being Lucas in his “Lucas” world.  What a life lesson to learn from my son and something my daughter seems so naturally inclined to understand.

We tend to get lost as we grow and become adults while trying to make our place in this world, because it seems our children just ‘get’ what it means to be authentic and embrace the value of being yourself.  We certainly aren’t born with baggage or future anxieties.  We come into this world easily being able to express what we feel and how to love unconditionally.  Children are naturally filled with life, a sense of wonder and the desire to explore, create and live in the moment.  As Barry Neil Kaufman has stated, “Children naturally display a wholeness of person without study or premeditation.”

Somewhere in life, everything shifts.  Rather than be encouraged to stay in this child-like frame of mind, our culture sets standards for us to follow.  Over time these standards create a world where our thoughts become more important than our authentic feelings.   When we make our thoughts a priority over our feelings, our focus begins to shift and we begin care more about people’s opinions and judgements which in turn stimulates our fears.  These fears ultimately increase our need to be accepted.  Our self-worth all of sudden becomes a product of other people and their opinions of us.

Additionally, different people expect different things from us , so we begin to compartmentalize ourself based on the person we are interacting with in order to gain their acceptance.  We begin to form so many different false self-images that our self-worth comes from these instead of our authentic self, and when we are not authentic, we essentially begin to lose who we really are.  It’s no wonder we can’t figure out what we think, feel and want and inevitably end up remaining unhappy!

I remember having a personal dialogue with my Son-Rise mentor and mentioning how I hid pieces of myself for fear of judgement.  The response I received was pivitol for me in starting my journey to truly find my authentic self.  I was asked, “Do you think you are not being judged when you choose to hide these pieces of yourself?”  My reflection on this statement really changed the way I viewed myself and my decision of how I wanted to show up in this world.  I realized that I couldn’t continue to trade authenticity for safety and expect to remain who I was at my core.

I also have come to realize that judgements are inevitable and that every single person is going to see life and other people through their own personal lenses.  These lenses were created by their upbringing, experiences and egoic illusions.  Judgements are about them, not me…period.   So knowing I can’t control how a person sees me, I realized I’d rather be myself with people and know the ones who surround me accept me fully, then to pretend and have to maintain the illusion that I am something I’m not.    In effect you get to be loved for who you really are and not who you are pretending to be.  It is so much easier to be your truth when you stop looking for approval and begin loving yourself.

We cannot truly experience the benefits of friendships and relationships if we are not authentic.  In essence, it is authenticity that connects us as human beings.

In striving to be my authentic self, I have found the following to be an integral part of the process.

  1. Be honest with yourself.  Don’t try to live up to a label or false image.  Give yourself permission to be you without apology.
  2. Respect and value yourself.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  Know that these make you unique and awesome! Your weaknesses do not define you.   It is important to realize that your flaws can help bring people closer together.  When you realize and embrace this, your flaws seem less like liabilities and more like assets!  Remember that you set the bar in how you are treated.  Others will treat you with the same respect you show yourself.
  3. Don’t judge yourself (Perfection does not exist!).  You have nothing to prove.  Give yourself permission to not be perfect.  Don’t carry around any labels or past mistakes as if they define you.  Your past actions shape you, but you don’t have to be what you have been.  You have a choice to judge yourself by your worst moments or your best.  The important realization here is that you get to choose!
  4. Love yourself.  People can only love us if we believe we are lovable.  Also, By loving and accepting yourself, you will create a space where you can authentically love others.  It is important to remember that we are all needed by others.   You will find that people are more likely to share their struggles only after they have been through them and are on the other side.  That’s because it’s easier to talk about what you have been through instead of what you are struggling with right now.  Your story and struggles need to be heard and it is a wonderful thing to be vulnerable and authentic in sharing them.  By doing so, you will open up a space where the people you have relationships with will be inspired to be authentic as well.
  5. Know that you matter.  Realize that you impact lives every day.  Put love into action every day.  Even if you are not recognized for it, know that you make a positive difference by one small act of kindness.
  6. Make time for solitude.  It is in this alone time that you will be able to create a safe space for self-reflection to enable you to explore your authentic self.  In solitude, you are able to clearly see what you are truly like in your own company when you are not putting on a false image for the people around you.
  7. Don’t people please.  When you work so hard to please everyone around you, you end up prioritizing yourself last in order to be sure others are comfortable.  By consistently doing this, you are telling those you have relationships with that what they think or say matters more than what you think about yourself.  You will never be able to please others to the extent you want.  In the end you spend so much time and energy trying to be who you think someone wants you to be that you forget who you are and what you want in life.  This ultimately leads to questioning yourself as to why you are not truly happy.

There is a reason we live vicariously through our children.  It’s because they are naturally inclined to be themselves and emanate happiness.  This is where the wonder, excitement and the ability to be present comes from.  They are truly our best teachers in realizing the recipe in finding our authentic selves and ultimately embracing true happiness.  I am grateful that I have been given the gift to be open enough to receive these life lessons my children and Son-Rise have so eloquently taught me.

 

Discarding judgments and Embracing Acceptance

17/01/31 at 2.04pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

 

“ We can mourn what isn’t or celebrate what is! Happiness is a choice and misery is optional not inevitable” Barry Neil Kaufman

I spent 3 years of my son’s “autism” life, prior to implementing the Son-Rise program, following traditional autism treatment therapies. We were all miserable, and I constantly felt the pressure of giving my son the chance at a “normal” life, all the while never really firstly doing the most important work with him. Son-rise taught me that the first step in my son’s recovery was to truly love and accept him as he is without needing him to change or grow in order to do so. With love and acceptance, we give someone the room to grow and the safety to try things that are uncomfortable for them which ultimately empowers them to become the greatest version of themselves. My son has progressed and conquered so many “unreachable” society-imposed limits as a result of just putting this one thing into practice in our lives and in his Son-Rise program.

I returned from that magical mountain top in Massachusetts after attending the Son-Rise Maximum Impact advanced training almost 3 months ago now and learned so much about myself, my life, my children and my family while there. I felt empowered and re-instilled all of the Son-Rise fundamentals into my life that had gotten us this far.

Then……… the election happened.
With all of the election controversy going on, I had found myself slowly crawling back into my hole, my safe space. I had deactivated my Facebook account, not because I didn’t agree with the view points being discussed, but because of how these view points were being directed to those with opposing views or even toward our current elected president. There was so much hate in the very posts that were meaning to dispel it. This immediately gave me discomfort. Every human being has unmentionables in their past, things they would prefer no one knows about. These moments in our life are our biggest life lessons and we all deserve the opportunity to have someone believe that we can learn from them and be better. I truly believe that the people who don’t “deserve” our love and respect are the ones who need it the most.  This is the gift of being human…..to know we are here to help those who need it most, even those undeserving in our judgmental eyes.

“Deciding to embrace an experience without judgements leaves us open to finding elements in every event that serve and teach us. If judging people and experiences as bad brings unhappiness (fear, anxiety, anguish, impatience, anger, sadness), why not put our judgement to work for us by flipping our perspective?” -Barry Kaufman

By opening my self to love and acceptance through my son, I truly learned to love and respect EVERYONE as well as, most importantly, myself. We cannot give what we do not feel inside. My son continues to be my teacher and guide, and what I have learned through him is the reason I know this to be true.

When I think back to beginning this Son-Rise Journey 2-1/2 years ago, I always come back to what I like to call the Staples story. I was reminded of this moment this past weekend and the impact it had on changing the direction of my life since. This was the pivotal moment where I really understood the power love and acceptance can give an individual and the profound effect it would have on me giving myself that gift as well.

Some background…..One of the foundational principles of Son-Rise is joining our children in their exclusive and repetitious activities. These are moments where they are completely in their own world. They are commonly referred to as stimulatory behaviors (or stims). Son-Rise refers to them as isms.

The Staples story:
So I was just returning from start-up 2-1/2 years ago and was ready to hit the ground running. I needed to recruit volunteers so I could run a full-time program. We were at Staples as a family getting copies made of my volunteer flyers. Lucas was running back and forth repeatedly banging the wall on one side of the store then running to the other side of the store and banging that wall (his “stim”). He was yelling loudly and shaking a chew tube (a sensory chewing toy) while doing so. I was looking around the store as he was doing this and everyone around us was staring at him and us. I initially thought to myself, “Oh God, here come the judgements.” Then my thoughts were broken by my amazing daughter who tugged on my arm and asked if she could have a chew tube as well. I pulled one out (I always had extras on hand to keep Luke busy in public places) and gave it to her. She then instinctively joined her brother. If you thought people were looking before, you should’ve seen the looks that came then. Previously I would’ve tried to explain his autism to everyone staring as a way to deflect the judgements and stares, but this felt different. It had dawned on me and I immediately became aware of the reason Lucas only related to his sister at the time. It was because of moments like this and her uncanny ability to love, accept, appreciate and relate to him on his level. I then did what any sane person would do.  I left my husband to handle the copies on his own and grabbed my own chew tube to join them. As I did this, I felt the immediate impact it not only had on my son, but on me and my entire family. This is the moment I began to truly love and accept my son and was also the pivitol moment that I let go, became free of judgements and gave myself the gift of my own love and acceptance.

Everything changed for Lucas after that. Some of our amazing developments:

Lucas previously never made eye contact. He makes loads of it now. He wouldn’t allow me to touch, comfort, or love him. Now, he not only allows touch, but asks for hugs, kisses and says I love you. He seeks out interactions with peers, sister and those around him. He enjoys going to sporting events and is no longer afraid of large crowds. Luke asks to go to these events and relishes the energy around him. He was only speaking in rote phrases (memorized speech fragments from movies, etc.). Now he speaks in full beautiful sentences, using simple gestures and appropriate facial expressions. He is fully potty trained and can dress himself. Luke can follow two to three directions and leave the room to complete them. In fact the other day, we were leaving to go somewhere and he got himself dressed, put his coat and boots on independently without even being asked. He is initiating imaginary play and out of the blue last week decided to pretend to be a frog. He is also initiating hellos and goodbyes with the people he knows while using their name and looking at them. There is so much to list, but these are a few.

It’s unbelievable what can happen just by allowing someone to be themselves and truly accepting them as they are.

So I am back on Facebook and writing this entry. I’m putting myself back out there because the only way I know how to dispel hateful comments is by putting loving messages out there and hope that it spreads.

Some pics of some special moments and milestones Lucas has recently reached included below. Enjoy!

 

Lucas hanging with his cousins.  Previously, Lucas would’ve been screaming to leave, refusing to be near anyone.

 

 

Having fun with his sister in public places.  Would’ve been guaranteed a sensory overload in the past.

 

Enjoying a football game watching his volunteer, Carter, play.  This was the first time he not only tolerated the overload of stimulus but also thoroughly enjoyed himself…asking to go back every week thereafter.

Lucas enjoying opening his Christmas gift this year and the joy in the anticipation of it.  A rarity for us!

 

 

Loving Yourself – The Key to True Compassion

16/10/02 at 8.14pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

LOVING YOURSELF- THE KEY TO TRUE COMPASSION

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They say that you must first love yourself before you can truly love another without feeling limitations or needing something in return.  When Lucas came into this world, I experienced what it was to love another human being without reservation.  It has been through my son, and his regression into this world of autism, that I was able to add another layer to this and truly began to understand what it meant to experience unconditional love.  Through completely loving and accepting my son as the beautiful human being that he is, in spite of society’s perceived “imperfections”, I was ultimately given the gift of learning how to truly love and accept myself.

In this world we are constantly given messages that we need to make people like and accept us, that people’s needs are more important than our own, that we need to “fit in” in order to be happy and that practicing self-love is selfish and egioic.  The truth is that the reason self-love is so difficult and unaccepted by society today is that most people prefer comfort, stability, security, and control.  We give up so many pieces of ourselves in order to achieve this and in turn we create a life of mediocrity and end up unhappy.   When you make loving yourself a priority, you: take care of yourself, honor your limitations, listen to your needs, own your potential, and respect your dreams enough to take action and create a beautiful life for yourself!

 

Self-love……So how do you get there?  How did I get there?  Let me state that I am, we all are, a constant work in progress.    It is so easy in today’s world to forget about making ourself a priority.  However, until you are able to love yourself, you will never be able to genuinely love another human being.  The following are a few of the reminders I hold closest to my heart that allow me continue building on the premise of loving and accepting myself:

  • Remain grateful.   Focus on the positive.   Train yourself to be grateful at every point in your life and during every challenge.  There is always a reason to live in appreciation!
  • Let go!  Accept uncertainty.  Be present and discover the power of having fun!  Dance!  Smile more! Stop caring about what you look like to others and putting so much emphasis on their opinions of you.
  • Be real!  Allow yourself to be seen, known and heard.   Allow intimacy in your relationships.  Be open and let people know the real you!  Know that you are worth truly knowing!
  • Learn to filter out untrue and unhealthy perceptions.  If you base your self worth on the external worlds’s perceptions, you will never be capable of self-love.  There is no such thing as perfection.  Love your imperfectly perfect self!  When you love yourself, others will fall in line, I promise you.  The only person in charge of your perception of you is you!  Acceptance and love must come from within and you will never get there by comparing yourself to others.
  • Realize everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment.  People cannot exercise unconditional love if they only know conditional love.  The actions of those who do not support you or speak ill of you is almost always rooted in the fear and pain they themselves are feeling.  This fear and pain is from their insecurities and the fact that they do not truly love themselves.  Once I personally realized that these judgements were coming from a place of pain and discomfort, I found I was able to stop reacting to the negativity and began to accept and understand each person from a place of compassion.  Just coming from this place of understanding and love many times will motivate those in pain and discomfort to begin to think positively and with compassion.
  • Remember that how other people treat you is so many times a reflection of how they treat themselves.  Some people will mistreat you because they are threatened by you in some way which only heightens their own insecurities.  The more you understand this, the easier your path becomes.
  • Often there is an illusion that “ we are humans encountering a life experience when in reality it is life encountering a human experience” -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. Allow yourself the room to fully experience human condition.  You cannot do this if you are coming from a place of discomfort and are untrue to your authentic, genuine self.
  • Lastly and most importantly……GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO EXPERIENCE SELF-LOVE!  It can feel selfish in a world where we are told to put others first, however, our attitude about ourself has powerful effects on the outcome of our life.  Self-love is not selfish.  It’s about connecting to and honoring your authentic self and your underlying needs, celebrating you, and  being free to be you.  All of these actions will radically improve every aspect of your life.

 

Why is self-love so important?  The moment you begin to love yourself, life changes and it instantly begins to move in a positive direction.  Everything happens with more ease, your relationships change for the better and  health improves.  It is truly extraordinary!

  • You start to recognize and prioritize your needs.
  • You make choices and do what truly feels right for you.
  • You begin to learn about yourself and in the process become the person you have always strived to be…your true self!
  • You gain significant clarity on what you will not accept in your life and set boundaries.
  • You learn to accept and embrace the good things in your life because you deserve them!
  • You no longer become a victim of circumstances, as if your life is happening to you, because you are able to recognize challenges as lessons!
  • You realize that you have the power to choose how you show up in this world and by doing so, you become empowered.

And the ultimate reasons self-love is so important:

  • By completely loving and accepting yourself, you can now freely love others without feeling depleted.  You cannot give a love to others that you do not have within.  You will become drained if you try.  When giving love to others from a place of self-love and joy, it is energizing and feels good.  It becomes genuine and you are able to love someone else without needing anything from them.  Love is the binding agent that holds humanity together.
  • You will also be able to find long-lasting happiness.  The more you love yourself, the more you feel complete.  The more you feel complete, the happier you become.  Realize that you have the power to choose your happiness, you are in charge of it and loving yourself is the first step in finding it!

This journey of self-love is not easy and takes time.  In my voyage of discovering and practicing self-love, I found that I initially stopped fitting in and felt isolated.  I knew I no longer wanted to continue to be in that misery-loves-company pack .  I also wanted to continue surrounding myself in positive energy.   As I continued to walk this path, I realized that over time like attracts like.  The more I lived my life in positivity, I found the more my light drew other lights to me.  Once you discover the energy that is received from being surrounded by positivity and love, you will never settle for less.

 

Program Side Note/Update:

I am excited and so blessed to say that we are adding 3 amazing volunteers to our team! I can’t wait to share Son-Rise with them and am grateful for their loving hearts to want to give to our family and our son.

Because of our dedicated team and Son-Rise, Lucas continually makes significant progress!  Two years ago, Lucas was speaking in one to two word phrases with no conversational loops (i.e. back and forth communication between two people), most of his verbal capacity was scripted from t.v. shows and was not useful in relating to those around him.  He did not seem able to respond to any questions or directions given and had no affinity for affection (given or received).  Now, not only can Lucas clearly display that he understands us, but the quality of his conversational skills have grown leaps and bounds!   He is consistently using full sentences (created from his own vocabulary bank using articles, adjectives, connectors, etc.), he is clear and understandable when he speaks and he now readily spends more time immersed in “our” world than in exclusivity.   He laughs every day and truly enjoys the company of the people in his life.

So the video clip I am sharing in this post is of our amazing Son-Rise play facilitator, Susan, who visited a week ago.  In this video, you will see her pulling Luke’s motivations into their interactions as well as working on language, clarity and imaginative play among so many other social skills.  The fundamentals of this program is the reason we see such exponential social growth in our kids.  The Son-Rise principles teach us to willingly go feet-first into our special children’s world full of enthusiasm, energy and excitement in order to relate to, love and understand them.  They respond instantly!  It is through our gained understanding of them that we are able to reach them and make such progress.  Enjoy!

The Generosity Paradox: Jenny’s Story

16/08/08 at 11.34am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

THE GENEROSITY PARODOX: JENNY’S STORY

40bd7c8741f9c062291b00e27f562953To begin living generously initially feels like everything is coming undone.  This growth can be both awkward and taxing.  However, as you stretch yourself, you realize there is more to life than what you own and can hold onto.  You begin to understand the true abundance of loving someone outside of yourself and the true gift of humanity.  You start living!

My son’s journey through autism and my realization that I couldn’t do it all on my own forced me to open my life up to the generosity of others.  I have learned so much from these people in my life as a result.

I feel as though our culture has lied to us.  It has cultivated an environment that believes that our life is only about us and the hard work we need to put in to get our reward and ultimately reach our happiness.  So many times, that reward comes and yet we couldn’t be further from that elusive happiness.  In watching all of these beautiful people in my life so freely giving and continuing to come back (many for 2 years now),  I have realized that the more you give your life away to others, the more you will find it.

I have realized that the more you give your life away to others, the more you will find it.

This has now become a way of life for me.  I am convinced that the finer things in life cannot be purchased. They can only be discovered through generosity.

I am convinced that the finer things in life cannot be purchased. They can only be discovered through generosity.

We need to live generosity with intentionality and audacity!  We were created to live through putting love into action.   It is only then that I believe we find the satisfaction in life we are searching for.  We feel complete.

I have said this so many times before, but feel the need to state it again.  I do not consider my son a hardship.  He is not lucky to have me, I feel it is quite the opposite.  It has and continues to be my privilege to be given the opportunity to grow as a human being  through just knowing him and having him in my life.  He is beautiful in so many ways and he is my life teacher.  It is because of Lucas that I ultimately have discovered the true meaning of life and the importance and beauty of EVERY person I encounter while living it.

It is because of Lucas that I ultimately have discovered the true meaning of life and the importance and beauty of EVERY person I encounter while living it.

Meet Jenny and here is her story:

 

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The way that opportunities arise in a person’s life can be very strange.  Sometimes you really do just happen to be in the right place at the right time, or at least that is what I like to believe about meeting the Carlson family.

My son Jack and I have been going to the same branch of PNC Bank in Lake Orion since before he could walk.  At the bank, I often worked with a very nice man named Mr. Keith. One day, Jack and I were told that Mr. Keith no longer worked at PNC and that Brad Carlson would be our new representative.  Being someone who is somewhat averse to change, I wasn’t sure how I would handle a new bank contact.  However, Brad immediately put us at ease by talking about his family and showing Jack and I pictures of them. Brad was always very helpful and easy to talk to.

After some months of polite conversation and fascinating discussions about the economy, Brad approached me about being a volunteer in the Son-Rise Program.  After reading about the program and meeting the rest of Brad’s family, including Lucas, it seemed like a great opportunity.

I have a very hard time remembering those first few months of volunteering, mainly because Lucas has improved so dramatically with the program.  I barely recognize the old videos of Lucas that Shannon sometimes plays at team meetings.  He has gone from a child who barely recognized that the volunteers were in the room with him, to someone who wants to interact with us all the time, both in and out of the room.

I know that Shannon loves to tell people about the program and all her “amazing” volunteers, but we don’t often get to tell our side of the story.  I can’t say enough wonderful things about this program and how it just makes sense.  If you make someone comfortable and just enjoy being in their presence without asking anything of them–they will notice you. They will want to be part of your world. (And singing lots and lots of silly songs doesn’t hurt either).

The Son-Rise Program works for the children involved, but it also works for the volunteers. It grounds you, and forces you to be present.  And staying in the moment and genuinely being happy carries over into all aspects of your life.  Being with Lucas and playing in the room helps you to realize what is important and what is not.  Most things in life aren’t nearly as rewarding as connecting with others.  Being present helps me to be a better person, and I owe that to the Son-Rise Program and Lucas!

My Journey with Lucas – Cheryl’s Story

16/07/27 at 3.22pm   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

MY JOURNEY WITH LUCAS – CHERYL’S STORY

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A REASON WHY YOU MEET PEOPLE.  EITHER YOU NEED THEM TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE OR YOU’RE THE ONE THAT WILL CHANGE THEIRS.

-DIEM BROWN

I have learned so much from the people who came into my life at what I would consider to be my lowest point.  That moment where you are pushed to decide whether to overcome, grow and learn from your circumstances or to let your circumstances overcome you.  I thought my mom’s passing away at such a young age was that point until a year later my son began to regress into the world of autism.  It is so unbelievably painful to watch your child, who was previously loving, developing normally and relating to you, slowly slip away into a shell of the person you once knew.

It is through overcoming these obstacles that you realize your true potential, strength,  and heart.  I believe the people who come into your life in these moments are meant to be there to help you create who you are and who you will become.  I truly don’t know where my son would be without their love, compassion and dedication to our entire family.  Although we are not entirely out of the world of autism….yet; I can definitively say that I have my son back because of their efforts and this program.  He is again relatable and loving.  He calls me mama with such tenderness.  He is growing, healing and YES, recovering!

I have learned through these people and this process that it is important to make every moment of every day count.  Appreciate these moments and take everything you can from them.  Also, embrace every person!  Talk to people that you have never talked to before and really attempt to listen.  Lastly, allow the room to love yourself.  Do this and watch how the world around you and the people in it change in powerful ways!  Mine certainly has.

I’d like you to meet Cheryl and here is her story:

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Lucas came into my life about 4 years ago. He was placed in a classroom for children with autism where I was working as a Special Education Paraeducator, a job that I’ve been doing for the past17 years. I’m a little older, but I’m young at heart and have a love and passion for these kids. Back then Lucas said very few words, had fleeting eye contact, didn’t want to play with anything, anyone or do any projects, and he loved stimming/isming at shiny posters that were hanging from the ceiling. When given a direction that he did not want to do, he would show his frustration by scratching us. Somehow through all of that, Lucas and I made a connection. Little did I know this was only the beginning of what was to come.

My heart always goes out to the parents of the kids coming through our program. At the beginning these parents are just starting to wrap their brains around what is being discovered about their child. Many go through a denial stage. After that some may go through a mourning stage for the “normal” child they had envisioned having. While dealing with this, they are also trying to make a lot of decisions for what pathway they want for their child. Life is changing so much more than they had expected.

Some families touch me more than others. Shannon and Brad were one of those families. Watching them go through this process was tough. I remember walking with Shannon down the hall at the end of Lucas’s first year with us, she had tears in her eyes. She was telling me that her mom had passed away a few years prior and she really, really needed to talk to her now. My heart ached for her.

Two years later Shannon contacted me about working with Lucas in the Son-Rise program. I had never heard of it until then. She told me about the program, dropped a packet of information off to me and asked me to think about joining them to try this program with Lucas. Like I ever stood a chance of saying no!  I watched the DVD’s, read the information and thought, what a different approach!  I had some doubts about it being as great as the packet claimed it to be, but I have watched kids go through the schools and know the end results. I thought it would be interesting to try a new approach and see if it would make a difference.

When I first started joining Lucas in the playroom, it was uncomfortably awkward. Instead of trying to get Lucas to fit into my world and act like me, I was trying to fit into his world and act like him.  I had to learn to check my “adultness” and “outside world” at the door and embrace his world by running back and forth, bouncing on a giant ball, chewing a chewy, shaking toys, making faces in a mirror, putting things on my face and head, acting super silly, giving tickles and squeezes, singing songs and repeating everything he said and sound he made. If that wasn’t awkward enough, I also had to get used to giant mirrors on the walls and cameras filming my every move, song and sound. Yikes! It took a while for me to get comfortable in the room and not care what anyone thought of me. But when you see Lucas smile and how he responds and connects with you, you get it. You love, love, love being there with him no matter how tired you are, how long your day has been or how insecure you feel about seeing yourself.

I’ve been asked many times since I’ve joined Lucas whether I really think the Son-Rise program is making a difference. Two years later of working in the program, I’m loving the difference! It not only made a difference in Lucas’s life, but it also made a difference in my life and how I interact with the kids I work with. Words can’t express the look and smile on a child with autism’s face when you join their world for the first time.

Lucas is rapidly progressing and meeting every goal being set for him. He has come a long way since pre-school. This week when I got to the house, Lucas was outside playing. He came into the house, looked into my eyes, smiled, came over to me, grabbed my hands, placed his forehead against my forehead and said “Hi”. He now plays with us, requests what he wants in full sentences, says I love you, smiles, laughs, gives hugs and kisses, seeks affection, looks us in the eyes when talking, jokes with us, no longer scratches, hits or kicks and is starting to act like a “normal ” kid. When we had our first meeting a couple of years ago, as we walked into their home, we were told that loud noises bothered Lucas so to talk quietly to not upset him. Now when we walk in we’re all talking and laughing, and Lucas is in the middle enjoying it all.

The Son-Rise program to me is acceptance and hope. Accepting Lucas for who he is and giving him hope and a chance for recovery. I’m loving being on this journey with him and his family, and I can’t wait to see what’s coming in his future!

 

Authenticity….Being Real, Not Perfect

16/06/28 at 8.34am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

 

Authenticity…..Being Real,  Not Perfect

 

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My 5-year-old daughter and I were playing our before bedtime “game” that she has so indelibly named ‘Hearts and You.’  It’s a game where we practice voicing our gratitude or what we love about the people in our lives, moments we shared/experienced that day, unicorns, dinosaurs, you name it!  This night we decided to focus on ourselves and our core family.

We talked about what we loved about ourselves, then each other, then dad, then brother.  When I asked her what she loved about her brother, she stated “I am grateful for his autism.”  When asked why, she simply stated with such confidence, “Because it is part of him and I love him.”  What a beautiful testament to acceptance but it also made me think about the power of authenticity.  Authenticity is so difficult for pretty much the majority of the human race because of our innate desire to be accepted.  Autism is uninhibited by this need.  My son’s autism allows him to be whole-heartedly authentic without social anxiety or feeling the need to be “accepted.”  He is completely happy being Lucas in his “Lucas” world.  What a life lesson to learn from my son and something my daughter seems so naturally inclined to understand.

We tend to get lost as we grow and become adults while trying to make our place in this world, because it seems our children just ‘get’ what it means to be authentic and embrace the value of being yourself.  We certainly aren’t born with baggage or future anxieties.  We come into this world easily being able to express what we feel and how to love unconditionally.  Children are naturally filled with life, a sense of wonder and the desire to explore, create and live in the moment.  As Barry Neil Kaufman has stated, “Children naturally display a wholeness of person without study or premeditation.”

Somewhere in life, everything shifts.  Rather than be encouraged to stay in this child-like frame of mind, our culture sets standards for us to follow.  Over time these standards create a world where our thoughts become more important than our authentic feelings.   When we make our thoughts a priority over our feelings, our focus begins to shift and we begin care more about people’s opinions and judgements which in turn stimulates our fears.  These fears ultimately increase our need to be accepted.  Our self-worth all of sudden becomes a product of other people and their opinions of us.

Additionally, different people expect different things from us , so we begin to compartmentalize ourself based on the person we are interacting with in order to gain their acceptance.  We begin to form so many different false self-images that our self-worth comes from these instead of our authentic self, and when we are not authentic, we essentially begin to lose who we really are.  It’s no wonder we can’t figure out what we think, feel and want and inevitably end up remaining unhappy!

I remember having a personal dialogue and mentioning how I hid pieces of myself for fear of judgement.  The response I received was pivitol for me in starting my journey to truly find my authentic self.  I was asked, “Do you think you are not being judged when you choose to hide these pieces of yourself?”  My reflection on this statement really changed the way I viewed myself and my decision of how I wanted to show up in this world.  I realized that I couldn’t continue to trade authenticity for safety and expect to remain who I was at my core.

I realized that I couldn’t continue to trade authenticity for safety and expect to remain who I was at my core.

I also have come to realize that judgements are inevitable and that every single person is going to see life and other people through their own personal lenses.  These lenses were created by their upbringing, experiences and egoic illusions.  Judgements are about them, not me…period.   So knowing I can’t control how a person sees me, I realized I’d rather be myself with people and know the ones who surround me accept me fully, then to pretend and have to maintain the illusion that I am something I’m not.    In effect you get to be loved for who you really are and not who you are pretending to be.  It is so much easier to be your truth when you stop looking for approval and begin loving yourself.

It is so much easier to be your truth when you stop looking for approval and begin loving yourself.

We cannot truly experience the benefits of friendships and relationships if we are not authentic.  In essence, it is authenticity that connects us as human beings.

In essence, it is authenticity that connects us as human beings.

In striving to be my authentic self, I have found the following to be an integral part of the process.

  1. Be honest with yourself.  Don’t try to live up to a label or false image.  Give yourself permission to be you without apology.
  2. Respect and value yourself.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  Know that these make you unique and awesome! Your weaknesses do not define you.   It is important to realize that your flaws can help bring people closer together.  When you realize and embrace this, your flaws seem less like liabilities and more like assets!  Remember that you set the bar in how you are treated.  Others will treat you with the same respect you show yourself.
  3. Don’t judge yourself (Perfection does not exist!).  You have nothing to prove.  Give yourself permission to not be perfect.  Don’t carry around any labels or past mistakes as if they define you.  Your past actions shape you, but you don’t have to be what you have been.  You have a choice to judge yourself by your worst moments or your best.  The important realization here is that you get to choose!
  4. Love yourself.  People can only love us if we believe we are lovable.  Also, By loving and accepting yourself, you will create a space where you can authentically love others.  It is important to remember that we are all needed by others.   You will find that people are more likely to share their struggles only after they have been through them and are on the other side.  That’s because it’s easier to talk about what you have been through instead of what you are struggling with right now.  Your story and struggles need to be heard and it is a wonderful thing to be vulnerable and authentic in sharing them.  By doing so, you will open up a space where the people you have relationships with will be inspired to be authentic as well.
  5. Know that you matter.  Realize that you impact lives every day.  Put love into action every day.  Even if you are not recognized for it, know that you make a positive difference by one small act of kindness.
  6. Make time for solitude.  It is in this alone time that you will be able to create a safe space for self-reflection to enable you to explore your authentic self.  In solitude, you are able to clearly see what you are truly like in your own company when you are not putting on a false image for the people around you.
  7. Don’t people please.  When you work so hard to please everyone around you, you end up prioritizing yourself last in order to be sure others are comfortable.  By consistently doing this, you are telling those you have relationships with that what they think or say matters more than what you think about yourself.  You will never be able to please others to the extent you want.  In the end you spend so much time and energy trying to be who you think someone wants you to be that you forget who you are and what you want in life.  This ultimately leads to questioning yourself as to why you are not truly happy.

There is a reason we live vicariously through our children.  It’s because they are naturally inclined to be themselves and emanate happiness.  This is where the wonder, excitement and the ability to be present comes from.  They are truly our best teachers in realizing the recipe in finding our authentic selves and ultimately embracing true happiness.  I am grateful that I have been given the gift to be open enough to receive these life lessons my children and Son-Rise have so eloquently taught me.

 

A Program Side Note:  Below is a video of Lucas giving me a kiss on the lips…..A moment I could not have even imagined would ever happen when we were initially given his diagnosis 4 years ago.  Lucas couldn’t communicate well, was abusive at times and definitely did not show affection in those days.  The moments I am witnessing every day with him since starting this Son-Rise journey a year and a half ago sometimes seem like a dream.   I have to remind myself that it isn’t!

The universe definitely pushed me to a point at the beginning of this journey where I was either going to grow or crumble, and I am so fortunate and appreciative that I chose the former.  This has allowed me to grow as a person to depths I never could have imagined.  I also believe as a result that I have been given the gift to witness the miracle of my son’s increasing desire to be part of our world and to watch his ultimate recovery unfold.

 

If you want to know how to treat a child with autism…look to their sibling, they will show you!

16/06/22 at 11.06am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

If you want to know how to treat a child with autism…look to their sibling, they will show you!

I am excited to share Ashlyn’s viewpoint of her brother and his autism!  I am so thankful for my daughter and her uncanny ability to understand, appreciate, love and accept her brother.  She is the reason Son-rise came to be a part of our household.  Let me tell you why…

I remember when I first began exploring the Son-Rise program as an option for Lucas.  They were explaining the premise of the Son-Rise program to me.  The initial, most important piece was reaching our children so we could relate to them.  They believed that joining our special children in their world, doing exactly as they do when they are doing exclusive repetitive, behaviors (commonly known as a stims) was the answer to ultimately creating this meaningful relationship with them.  The Son-Rise belief is that “They show us the way in and we show them the way out.”  (As a side note, some examples of stims include repetitive, exclusive behaviors such as repeating phrases, yelling loudly, running back and forth, shaking a chew tube, staring out of the corner of their eye at something, etc.)

Prior to Son-Rise, my whole background had been in repetitive table trials, generalization trials, behavior modification….essentially Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA).  So I knew that if I was going to choose the Son-Rise program for my child that it meant I was literally taking the complete opposite approach to what I had been trained to facilitate with him for the past 3 years.  As I began to get over myself and all the work I had personally done to get Luke this far, I began to allow myself the time to digest what they were really telling me.  Although my gut was telling me, “Yes!!!”, my head wasn’t there yet.  After all, we had invested so much time, money and effort into our current therapies and he was making progress, mostly cognitive progress.

However, what I really wanted for my son was the ability to have meaningful relationships, to love and allow being loved.  I reminded myself why I ultimately began looking at Son-Rise.  I then thought about the only human being I could think of that Luke was relating to at the moment.  I mean truly relating to, on a human level.  That one person was my daughter Ashlyn.  As I began to reflect on her interactions with him, I began to realize that she naturally and instinctively regularly joined her brother in his world and he connected with her as a result of it.  It was because of this realization that I decided I was going to plunge feet first into this program.  So ultimately, Ashlyn was my teacher.  I am so thankful for her and her innocence in setting me on the right path to reach my previously unreachable son.

Why does joining work?  Our special children tend to be very much in their own world and when they look around them, there is no one doing what they do.  They are in essence very alone by nature and we are unrelatable to them as a result.  When we choose to  join our children, we show them commonality, that we have an interest in them, that we love what they love, and we also open up a world of truly understanding them.  Isn’t that the foundation all relationships are built upon!?

In my very first joining session with my son, I was greeted with my first heartfelt hug initiated by Lucas!  I had never received a hug from my son since he regressed into this world of autism, so I can assure you that the power in joining our children speaks volumes to them and his reaction was just a testament to this.  My son who would not previously allow me to touch him, sit next to him or at times wouldn’t even allow me to be in the same room with him was compelled to hug me!  This hug was one of the most moving experiences of my entire life and the reason my son is where he is today in this program!

Below is my interview with Ashlyn. I hope you enjoy her answers as much as I did.  Her ability to see him as her brother always first and foremost is a constant reminder to me about what it is to be human in all capacities.  After all, in her words, ” I love him because he is Lucas and he is my brother.”  If that doesn’t say it all!

DSCN2068What is your favorite thing you love about your brother?  I love that he has autism.  Autism makes me happy because it feels like he is my brother.

What do you find difficult about your brother?  It is hard to get him to stay so I can put sunscreen on him.   Also, when bud does autism things, it makes me feel weird and sad.  What autism things? When he squeezes me hard or pinches me on the leg.  Why do you think he squeezes or pinches you?  He squeezes me because he is excited and he wants to share his excitement with me.  How does that make you feel?  Happy.

What do you think autism is?  Sometimes I think he doesn’t understand what I am talking about.  He has a hard time telling me what he is thinking.  I do love it when he and I chase each other in the back yard.

What do you think it is like to have autism?  I think it would be hard not to be able to understand.

What do you think is great about autism?  It makes me happy that brother gets to be himself and I get to be myself.

How do you feel about helping and looking out for your brother?  It makes me happy because that’s my job.  Why do you feel it is your job?  Because I love my brother and that is what I want to do.

What do you think of the Son-Rise Program and Luke’s playroom?  I think that the Son-Rise program is teaching Luke how not to do bad stuff like pulling over the chairs.  It is also teaching him how to play with me.  I think the playroom is fun and it makes me happy to be in there to play with new toys.

What do you think about all the new people and volunteers coming in our home to play with Luke all the time?  I like them because they are helping my brother.

When Lucas throws a tantrum, how do you feel?  Sad because I feel like I have to lay with him.  Why do you lay with him? I want him to feel better.

Is there anything you would change about your brother if you could?  To not have tantrums.

Is there anything you wish you were able to do that your brother currently does?  He is really good on the exercise ball.  I wish I could bounce on the ball without my hands and go across the room like him without touching the floor.

How do you feel about mom running a home program for Lucas while you go to school?  Happy because mom is helping him get better.

How do you feel when:  Lucas yells loudly in public?  Happy because it’s fun, but sometimes he startles me.  Runs away? Sad.  I worry about him.  Runs around outside in just underwear and a t-shirt? I laugh because it’s funny.  He’s being silly.

How do you feel when people ask questions about why your brother is doing something, for example when he chews on his chew tube?  I tell them he chews on it because he likes it.  It doesn’t bother me to answer questions about him.  It makes me happy to tell people about my brother.  Sometimes I tell brother to say hi to people and he does.  That makes me happy too.

How do you feel that your brother can’t do things or talk like you can?  Sometimes sad, because I just want him to play with me.

What is your favorite thing to do with your brother?  I love to jump on the trampoline with daddy and brother because I like myself when we are jumping together.

What is your least favorite thing to do with brother?  When he asks me to run with him, but I don’t want to.  He just keeps asking and it can be annoying.

How do you feel when your brother hugs you?  Happy.  It really really makes me happy because I love my brother.

Gretchen’s Story

16/06/06 at 9.47am   /   by sdcarlson   /   0 Comment

 

“Nothing carries more potential for change than individual acts of human kindness”

-Jamie Winship

It truly took this journey with my son to fully understand the meaning and power behind the message in this quote.  It’s amazing how a few individuals and their love, dedication and compassion for our family could’ve so completely altered the way I see the world around me.  Because of them, I now see love where I saw judgement, I see hope where I saw despair, I see unending reasons to be grateful where I saw reasons to be resentful and most importantly……. I now realize the substantial impact an act of kindness can truly make on someone’s life and the potential it has to change them forever.

Meet Gretchen and here is her story:

Gretchen and lucas

I consider myself to be a very fortunate person. My husband and I have 2 wonderful children and 4 adorable grandchildren, with one more on the way. Because of his career, we moved frequently. By the time we ended up here in 2001, we had moved 17 times, lived in 8 states, and also spent 5 years in Switzerland. We had some awesome travel opportunities and got to know so many wonderful people/neighbors.

With our children & their families living in other states, and my husband & I both retired, I had to find some things to do. As a child, I learned by example about ‘the milk of human kindness’. My mother was a very active person and volunteered in many different arenas. I never really thought about it until I sat down to write this, but I guess I am just an example of how ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’.

I am blessed to have lots of energy, good health and the flexibility to spend my time doing things that I love. I spent several years building houses for Habitat for Humanity, both in Michigan and Mississippi, following Hurricane Katrina. My next opportunity was with an organization that provided equine therapy to the special needs population, both children & adults. It was there that I met Lucas and his family. He was just one of over 100 riders who came each week. He stopped coming to classes and I missed him. One day, I sent a note to his mom, asking how he was doing…and that was all it took. She educated me about the ‘SonRise’ program, shared videos, answered questions & asked if I’d like to become a member of the team.

I have a degree in education, and have worked with children of all ages throughout my adult life. I also had 6 years experience working with the disabled population at the barn. One would think that becoming part of Lucas’ team would have bean a no brainer for me. In reality, I was ‘welcomed’ to the team, immediately. Everyone is so kind, loving and supportive. But, I was intimidated by my own ‘shyness’ around Lucas. I think he remembered me from the riding classes. But, here I was entering ‘his world’, where he was the boss, and I felt this overwhelming need to be accepted by him. I had to learn to be like Lucas, and to try to understand what motivated him and his behaviors. In the beginning, he seldom looked at me, which was pretty intimidating. Some days we made baby steps, and some days no steps at all. But, fast forward to this time, which is almost a year, and together we have made huge strides. I wouldn’t have thought to touch him, in the beginning. Now he will come up to me and ask for tickles, hugs, and squeezes. We will sit next to each other on our balls, looking into the mirror, and I’ll see that he is staring at me, and there is a huge smile on his face and a twinkle in those beautiful eyes. He will ask for toys or books or other objects. We can roll around on the floor tickling, and we can play games pushing against each other’s feet. I am now comfortable in his world, and there are definitely times when he is firmly rooted there. But there are more and more days when he is giving the ‘green light’ to join in our world.

I believe that in most circumstances, happiness is a choice. All of my family and most of my close friends know about Lucas. They know that my time with Lucas in his playroom is ‘my happy place’. I am so thankful to Shannon for sharing this program with me and allowing me to become part of it. I know there will come a day when Lucas will recover from his autism, and we won’t be spending time in the playroom any longer, but we will always be family!

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  • Fox News Interview with Raun Kaufman – CEO
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